Dog Breath


The geriatric dogs are sitting by the door.They have seen the writing on the Wall, although being dogs they can’t read them but a glance at the packed bags + they are on red alert. Their eyes pass on their desperate message

‘Don’t go without us. We love you’

Of course they are coming after all how could we leave Flora, half dog, half Womble deaf as a post + Sammy almost a Labrador now blind as a bat with arthritic hips at  home?

It does mean the journey will be hell of course as both dogs suffer from horrific halitosis + even from their remote location at the back of the car behind the rear seats we will be reminded of this revolting reality constantly until we arrive at our destination. Revolted + freezing due to the windows having to be right down whilst driving into the Highlands to save us from asphyxiation as the rotten chopped horrors wheeze +pant. God the very thought yuk! I may hitch.

Did you ever hitch?

My cousin + I were warned never to hitch so naturally we ignored that when we spent our train fares on tacky necklaces in Aberdeen + hitched to Edinburgh aged 17. It was Ford Capris that picked us up + the eejit driver drove so quickly I threw up on his handbrake so we were dropped at a layby on the A-92.  A salutary lesson for everyone. For us don’t hitch + for the geezer driving a now stinking Capris don’t pick up hitchhikers.

No I will travel with the hounds it’s not worth the risk am just off to B+Q for a Mask. See you in the Highlands.



Writer & broadcaster.

Related Posts

Read also x