Curling Teenwolfs Cough


Friend Fionas birthday. Meet 12.30 in a set price restaurant, Dynamite, Fiona and I sit there not drinking. No that is not a misprint. We talk about the buses that we took to get there, and how we have virtually ditched our cars. Before we know it we are onto face creams and the best place to buy them for as little as possible. Stop! I shout and order us a large gin each. This cannot go on. Public transport, water and bargain hunting –where are the wild woman of old? I ask as we down the gins in a oner. Ah good all is not lost I think as we slam our glasses on the table, and Dynamites hand shoots up ‘3 more and fast!’


The stock pile of Swine flu vaccine is now being given away as it seems we don’t need it. Now people are saying the Government got it wrong spending tons of cash on a vaccine we don’t need anyway. Using this logic this means if swine flu had rampaged through the population killing hundreds of us – they would have got it right!On this occasion the Government are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Personally I felt secure in the knowledge our Government gave a monkeys and didn’t take any chances so if there is a next time you and me – we’re in the right place.


Watch Horizon program on the fact having a dog can lower your chance of heart disease and stress I am spending a lot of time rolling around o n the floor with my hairy mongrels. Pal Tracy was doing the same with her great lolloping mongrel Lola until she took her out for a walk. The dug disappeared so Tracy gave up and headed home. Lola pitched up an hour later, barked, came in and promptly brought up a selection of special party snacks on the kitchen floor virtually intact despite being in the belly of the beast. Oh God whose party did she ruin? A lot of dog cuddling needed to get over that level of stress.


No sooner back teenwolf is off with cough from hell. It’s constant dry, tickly and he can’t speak. The usual mixtures don’t do a thing. Revert to googling and find old witchy brew so for want of any better ideas mix the vile ingredients up, clamp his nose and make him slug it down. It was disgusting, his eyes almost bulged out of their sockets , but and I know you aren’t going to believe this , his cough stopped almost instantly. The family is in shock, I am the brewer of the elixir, I may get a caravan and go round selling it to people on street corners. Its miraculous. If you want the exact recipe click onto this weeks podcast.


Skint and hiding Dave announces he has got a DVD for us to watch tonight. Now this may sound like a familiar line in many households but if I tell you Dave is still in the realm on the video and the album I am sure you are well on the way to understanding this warp factor 40 to the here and now in terms of technology we all work with on a day to day is astounding. What is it? I enquire grinning.The first series of Graeme and Tracy! He pipes up. Graeme and Tracy? I repeat you mean our friends in Banchory with Lola the disgraced hound? Oh no right enough what are they called he mumbles digging about in his carrier bar. No, no, no not Graeme and Tracy ! I mean Gavin & Stacy.


30 years ago I still lived at home with my long suffering parents and I recall a day when they wrapped up in cosy clothes, Dad dugout his hollow curling brush and filled it with whisky, perched toories on their heads and went off to ‘The Grand Match’ on the Lake of Menteith. The tales of the day were legendary and many an adventure was had. So we watched with horror as health and safety decreed this years spectacular event was cancelled as they deemed it was ‘too dangerous and they couldn’t guarantee anyone’s safety’. Scottish curlers collectively growling was audible across the country. Political correctness gone mad? A once in a lifetime opportunity and ‘computer said NO’. Bah!


Writer & broadcaster.

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