L Plates are on. Teenwolf is off. Sob. Snotter. Wail.


This wee pudding behind a wheel……get me the smelling salts.

Well it has finally happened.
Teenwolf Is learning to drive.

My baby is behind the wheel of a car ,

Bring on the vapours.

He is just 17 and it has been on his mind since he was …well…born actually.

So when he broke his arm  4 days short of his birthday in November I was very sad but confess as we waited for his plaster cast to set  part of me did think …well at least he won’t be able to drive for a while.


No sooner is the plaster off than he is badgering me to take him out.

He wore me down so off we went. to the Murrayfield Stadium car park which is a vast area with not a soul around.

As I wemnt over the basics.

This is a car he rolled his eyes

That is the clutch I pointed at th clutch he rolled his eyes

That is the accelorator and the brake isin the middle.

It was as if I was talking to a man with over 25 years experience on the road. He couldn’t wait for me to shut up so I did.

As he turned the ignition on he put his foot down  on the gas with such velocity we did a wheelie I am not sure who got more a shock, him, me, his ears  or my bowel.

After a few steering grabs and screams

‘For gods sake Mum don’t scream at me ‘ he screamed at me.

‘Well it’s hard not to when you see your life flashing before you!’

‘Dad won’t be like this’;

“You’re right he will be worse’

So after going round about 25 times he got the hang of the clutch and the fact if you go round a corner at anything other than   crawl you are likely to skid, topple or crash.


His first official lesson was the following day.

He was out there with a brave brave man called Stephen  for 2 hours.

2 hours!

He drove from Crammond to Letih..

I was in shock when he told me

‘On the road?’ I asked

‘Yes where else ?’  the indignant response.


So not only have late night clubs and wild woman become a regular reason to wake up and worry now we can add the potential passing of the test and car napping my wee rustmobile to go cruising.

But I will not be foiled. I have a plan.

My options I outline below.

Make sure there is no petrol  in the tank  after all its flammable and therefore deemed dangerous.

Sell  it.

Burn  it.

Pay someone to steal it. (a joke ofifcer a joke)

Buy a bicycle ? Nope worse than a car.

I know what ! I’ll put on an eposide of Top Gear! One look at Clarkson should put him off for life. No he quite likes him – unbelievable really.

So we have come up with the ultimate deterrant.  The long suffering husband and I are going to buy an Inspector Clouseau car to use as advertsiing for the restaurant and brand it up as a giant haggis….well maybe a raost haunch of venison – either way a teenager driving a themed tiny car around the streets of Edinburgh means he’ll be on shank’s pony for a wee while longer yet….




  • Janet

    I can do better than that.  I was in my thirties when i drove to Scarborough via Carlisle.  I took a wrong turn after Edinburgh……..took me 10 hours!!

  • Ah yes your lovely Gran she made me matching trousers, headband and handbag in psychadelic material which I chose when I was about 10..I thought I was the dogs bahookey when in truth I looked more like something someone depostied on a pavement on a saturday night stoating home from the pub. She’s a great woman. –

  • Vonnie what a patient woman you are! I presume B know how lucky he is! And if not you should make a point of telling him, on the hour every hour!

  • Good plan I saw a Fiat 500 in bright pink yesterday and said to the wolf ‘oooh loook that’s LOVELY’ he just grimaced and muttered ‘for you’.
    We could be onto a winner here Ron – thanks!

  • Trudi!!
    Blimey that was a long time ago/ She was a crack shot. Unlike myself.

  • Davy_hepburn

    Kingscliff Shooting  thingy Methlick  mid 1980s- you had a friend who was Phils’s gf – I forget her name

  • Davy_hepburn

    Ahhhh kids … love them or shoot them 😉

  • Listen Alison, as the wife of a former teenager I applaud you for ensuring that your son can drive safely!

    When B & I got together it was one of those ridiculously fast and emotional relationships that seemed right straight from the start. The night after our first kiss, he moved in. Four months after the first kiss, we were expecting our first baby together. 13 months after our first kiss, we were parents.

    When I told B I was pregnant, he said, “Baby, I promise I will learn to drive. Don’t you worry about getting to the hospital, I’ll get you there. Don’t worry.”

    Seven years, three babies and a housemove later he is FINALLY – at the age of 36 – learning to drive because I refuse to drive him anywhere anymore. I drove myself from the Southern General in Glasgow to East Kilbride six hours after giving birth to a 9lb3oz monster! So as daunting as it is, I’m sure his future partner will thank you profusely for making sure he is a safe and capable driver later in life!

  • That’s the best thing I’ve read this year, brava!

  • Ron Glaiser

    You could try getting a really girly car  – one that’s Barbie pink would be ideal.  Also works well as a theft deterrent because boy racers look elsewhere for their thrills.

  • Mittygreenhalgh

    Ha Ha…and so yet another new scary era begins! 
    I laughed like a drain when Mike came down wearing his cycling helmet having agreed to take Jack out for a lesson…then his reports afterwards of 50 point turns in the face of oncoming angry traffic…boys eh?  x

  • Kayleigh Georgeson

    Most terrifying thing was being taught to drive by my Grandmother, Renie Georgeson! Get him in the car with her and he’ll never drive again!!!! xx 

  • Help ma boab you huave just given me the perfect excuse to have a whisky. You poor thing. You may have to chain him to the couch. Its on my list too.

  • I just read that out to the wolf who is sitting here watching some car related thing on the telly and we both had a good snort about it. Guffaw.

  • Don’t blame you! My son learning to drive/passing his test/going out on the proper roads on his own, seriously had to be the worst thing ever! He went to pick a friend up from Edinburgh airport once and came home via Glasgow as he missed the turn off for the Forth Road Bridge! Best sell the car, and quick! X

  • I’ll see you in the kitchen.

  • Louisthescott

    Bit of an exageration mother.

  • Susie

    the advert car might just be the way forward, Alison!  my sensible son wrote off two of my cars before he was twenty; the other son (i.e., the not sensible one) has not yet started driving lessons  –  he’s twenty five! I’m putting it off until his brain catches up with the rest of him!