Just saw this on a Twitter feed and thought it was simply brilliant.
If you have ever been down, blue, depressed or pissed off this will need no explanation.
If you have never been down, blue, depressed, pissed off then this explains it very well.
You will never say ‘pull your socks up” again.
So my pal casually says a mutual friend has thrown her husband out because of his continuous frotting. I thought firstly she meant frothing – at the mouth – you know the sort of thins, slavering, droopy bottom lip sort of deal. Then she told me frotting was more like rubbing against someone in a bar or something – oh nasty I said and decided to write about it in my column.
Only once I had sent my copy did I find out via a friend who spat her soup out when I said I had been talking about frotting in the press that it was something altogether more along the line of being a sexual deviant. The urban dictionary spelt it out. Not that you want it spelt out to be honest. It will put youryou’re your tea. Suffice to say it does involve genitals and general friction – enough.
I only realised recently that there are no dogs involved in dogging – not 2 legged ones anyway – so it seems I live in my own bubble of ignorance. And happy I am with it too.
Thank you and good bye
When was the last time you stood by a huge field of golden swaying barley?
Aye it makes you think.
Yes it is summer.
Yes it is a lush green beautiful Scottish summer.
But things have changed.
And so have I.
This was underlined this weekend in Perthshire filming with The One Show.
The film is all about beavers.
Pause for all the smutty jokes please and move along.
Yes 400 years ago beavers lived amongst us and there is a trial ongoing to reintroduce them. In addition there are wild ones out there too…..what?
No I didn’t know we had them either
But we do.
And what delightful toothsome creatures they are too.
Yes there are pros and there are cons which will be discussed when the piece airs – I will keep you posted when that will be – but the bottom line is look! It’s not often you get a close up view of such a wondrous thing as this.
What is it?
Well it is a wild Scottish beavers foot. Back foot. It’s hairy, soft, webbed and just about the most strokeable thing I have ever stroked. Is strokeable a word? If not then can I put in a vote to make it henceforth the word that is synonymous with a beavers foot.
I am off to google rodents.
Read all about the Scottish Beaver trial here.
***The beaver is under supervision of a vet and nurse and sophisticated operating theatre equipment in this photo. Stats were being taken for scientific information gathering. The blue balloon on the right was not the remnant of a party in fact quite the contrary. It was filled with warm water to keep the temperature of the animal consistent whilst temporarily anesthitised. It was back up and bobbling down a river within a remarkably short period of time despite me trying to talk him into coming to live with me. Since then we have not been in touch. We parted friends. ****