My son thinks I’m a pillock – of course he’s a good judge of character

Monday

I can recommend a packet of these toasted. NICE.

Can’t believe it is so close to Christmas already. The last time I looked at a clock it was August. Letters to Santa, family invitations, wrangling, whose going where, whose cooking, whose staying where, how many mince pies, should we order a turkey now or like last year put it off until the last 3 hours of Xmas Eve to queue for the only one left – in the butcher –  inevitably a 25lb monster or so small it is officially a nugget.

Rather than  continue these fraught discussions I go and watch Louis playing rugby. Oh dear not good for heart. They may only  be 9 and 10 years old but they tackle hard. I repeatedly  put my fist in my mouth to save from screeching ‘ don’t hurt yourself !’  and fight hard to resist tackling some of the other kids to the ground and ordering them to stay away from my precious one. Rugby and maternal hormones don’t mix.

When I say ‘my precious one’ obviously it is not to his face as my latest instruction when I drop him off at school is not to look at him. I did as instructed. Dropped him off and then, as I knew he would check with a sly peek into the car, I rolled my polo neck up  over my eyeballs and  just sat there until he had disappeared into the playground. I got a row at 4pm when I picked him up  for being silly.

Tuesday

So this morning as I dropped him off and then called him back and as turned I shouted ‘ I LOVE YOU!’ he was horrified and went scuttling into the playground puce.

Och.In desperate need of a haircut and my delightful hairdresser Derek is back in town so off I go for a rebuild. It feels so great to have a good haircut. You get the wash, the head massage and then I’m woken up and made to look 5 years younger thanks to the snippings of Mr Preston. Pick  Louis at 4 and he tells me I look like a supermodel. ‘I thought you’d be ignoring me for shouting out of the car this morning’–of course I shouldn’t of jogged his memory as he forgot to ignore me until I reminded him. Eejit I am. The puce ones parents night tonight and everything is just fine with the exception of his organisation skills.. I am not in a particularly strong position here as it took me 5 minutes to find the keyboard of my computer before writing this. I can’t really imagine where he gets that from

Wednesday

Got a crick in my neck and a hump slumping in front of the computer all day.

Late afternoon Anne Hunter turns up to help me with the curtains in the house. I am so bad at these sort of things I inevitably buy the wrong, size, colour, shape, etc so she has been drafted in to help. She looks as though she has had a stressful day – she is not alone. So I offer her a glass of wine at 6pm she accepts. By the time lucky Dave comes back at 8 there are a couple of empties and we are on a roll. We end the evening lying on the couch watching I’m A Celebrity Get me Out of Here whilst eating a tube of Revels I had bought in anticipation of Xmas and I break the news to her that Fran Cosgrove is not in fact the lead singer of Travis –

Thursday

Feeling a bit dry – must have been the revels – again locked in office trying not to lose sanity until off to Blue Bar for a meeting .Grab Louis and his pal and head up to Princes Street Gardens to see the lights being switched on and feel very Christmassy with the ice rink, the mulled wine and the sparkly funfair. Drop Louis home and head up   to the Point Hotel for a Christmas preview of the Ah Choo Shoes and Accessories. Anne is standing there looking great but, like me, feeling horrific and thanking the lord for make-up. There are so many people there I slip away for a hot bath and a lie down.

Friday

Off to stay at The Lodge on Loch  Lomond for the week with my pal Tracy. The sun is shining as we get to our room which is right on the lochside.It  is a very romantic spot with lots of loving couples –  and Tracy and I! The food is fabulous – we eat 3 courses and with waistbands groaning head off to watch I’m A Caleb. We bemoan being so sad and pathetic that we must watch it but watch it we do! Natalie Appleton – aaaaarghg!! Why did she go in? Did she think  it was a 5star hotel ? She has refused to do anything at all since she got there and far from being the rock chick we thought she was she is officially the woos of the year.

Saturday

Horrible wet misty day. Tracy neglected to mention she snores like a horse – do horses snore? – so the first stop is get in the car and find some ear plugs for the lobes of love. Once they are safely tucked into my bag we head back to the hotel spa, Heavenly on Loch Lomond  where we spend 2 hours being pampered. We have hot stone therapy, aromatherapy, a facial and I get a fake tan on my face. It takes hours to settle so I am instructed to buff my face with an old sock to bring the colour down to normal. It works!

At 1pm the spa is officially opened  and we have a glass of champagne and strawberries dipped in chocolate. Morag  who runs it is a great lass and we all raise our glasses to her success. I insert my earplugs at 11pm and get set for a good nights kip! Night night.