Tex Mex, a cream nozzle and my Czech book

Monday

Czech book deal
Get an e mail from the publishers of my first book The Nappy Years telling me they have done a deal to publish it in Czechslovakia! What a hoot! At last I have my own Czech book! Ho ho.
Pal Maggie showing us some photos and one almost makes me choke on my chorizo – it is of her big hairy Edinburgh Dog Home mongrel Charlie riding on a motorbike with her husband Russell. I can’t believe my eyes! He loves it she tells me – every time Russell gets the bike out he chases him all over the place until he slows down when he leaps up and sits in the front ready for action. He has been known to sledge too but as he can’t drive the car to Glenshee himself he has had to make do with the bike for now. I think he’ll need an agent soon.

Tuesday

Sam the lab has been acting strangely. She does try and hatch eggs and steal bunches of bananas but this is a new behaviour pattern never seen before. Tonight she is lying on her back with her legs in the air – so like her mistress – when I notice her foot. After a closer inspection I am astounded to see she has grown another toe – no really. A revolting photograph I tried to take but it would put you off your breakfast. We have decided to rename her ET (extra toe) and are making enquiries about getting her tap dancing lessons. I am taking her to the vet and I shall report back – at least the ways things are going she will be able to ‘foot’ the bill. Ho ho. (Will send horrible toe photo)

Wednesday
Spent most of the winter freezing so as today is like the set from The Fog I finally get my backside into TK Max with the sole purpose of buying a big cosy jacket. I try on loads and eventually find a big black puffy one – micheline man impersonators beware I am after your jobs. The make of the jacket is Betty Rides which I had never heard of but it seems reasonable so I cough up and leave. Later I am wearing when I go to see my Mum. We take the dogs out for a walk and have to turn back it is so windy. Mum walks behind me and as we arrived home she asks without any irony in her voice ‘Alison is that a postal jacket?’ I give her the evil eye. What? ‘Well it’s got the post office emblem on the back’ she explains. Wheeching it off I realise it has BR which because of the way it’s written looks like ER which does now make me a michelin man postie impersonator. Don’t get me wrong I love posties but it has put me off my new jacket a bit – postman al and her hairy wee pal – that’s the dog not my Mum!

Thursday
Off doing a voice over for Deans shortbread. Enroute my Mum phones. I tell her what I’m off to do an she starts ambling down memory lane ‘och we always use to pop into Ma Dean’ shop in Huntly on our way up North – ….’ About 15 minutes later when she paused for breath I realised I was slavering and starving an if I didn’t stuff a bit of shortbread down my face before the job I would be slivering all over the microphone . So thanks to Mum and her emotive shortbread memories I arrive at the studio with shortbread crumbs and sugar all over my face – it’s the stanislevsky school of voice overs – method eating.

Friday
Friday night is girlie night so there is a catch up with all the cheeky media girls in town. Liz Monaghan & Nichola Kane from STV, Dynamite the delight from Kingdom FM and Rhona Dougall from Sky and a few other wild ones. We imbibe a few and naturally an impromptu sing song starts up – this is always part of our quiet nights out at which point Liz Monaghan tells us about her wee boy Blair – age 4 – who is a born crooner. At 4!

Saturday
Cousins Patricias birthday. We are heading off to TexMex for a big meal and a few marguaritas. There are about15 of us. Her daughter Sarah has arranged a big chocolate cake so we all sing happy birthday and as the cake is plonked down Patricia announces she wants come cream so meanders into the kitchen and asks if they have some to splurge all over it. They hand her a thing that looks like a soda syphon but inside is fresh cream. Fun with Patirica and the cream nozzle takes up the next half hour. Everyones cake is covered in cream, then there is some posing with the nozzle and soon she is holding it in a homemade holster and practising quick draw techniques – a la Big John in the High Chaparal. Well we know what to get her for birthday next year. (will send pic. Of pat with creamy nozzle thing Wed. am too)