{"id":3896,"date":"2011-05-12T07:38:41","date_gmt":"2011-05-12T06:38:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/?p=3896"},"modified":"2012-05-29T21:45:23","modified_gmt":"2012-05-29T20:45:23","slug":"take-up-smoking-get-me-a-pint-of-absinthe-its-the-bleedin-exams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/2011\/05\/take-up-smoking-get-me-a-pint-of-absinthe-its-the-bleedin-exams\/","title":{"rendered":"Take up smoking, get me a pint of Absinthe &ndash; it&rsquo;s the bleedin&rsquo; exams."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/oliver.bmp\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3898\" title=\"oliver\" src=\"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/oliver.bmp\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>This time of year I am tempted to start smoking again \u2013 heavily. Up the drinking to make Oliver Reed look like King of The Temperance Society and empty the bucket that farmers put aside for pigs full of out of date chocolate eclairs into my open gob. To hell with it.<\/p>\n<p>The reason?\u00a0 The dreaded exams.\u00a0 Once again it is\u00a0 Clash of The Titans. Parents V Teenwolf. Parents V Turning Into their own parents and going on and on and on and on about working for exams. The strained atmosphere in our house is like a guitar string tightened to breaking point. Twang!<\/p>\n<p>The theory on the run up to it.<\/p>\n<p>Teenwolf: Yeh I will work for a few hours a night.<\/p>\n<p>The practice<\/p>\n<p>Back from school, slumping around, downloading music, playing the guitar,running about outside with a ball round or oval, intermittent face stuffing and then back in for a look at the telly.<\/p>\n<p>With everything clenched, including my hair, I wait, I bide my time and then I have to ask<\/p>\n<p>\u2018You doing any work tonight?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>I plug my ears\u00a0 as the expected reaction ensures<\/p>\n<p>YOU DON\u2019T THINK I DO ANY WORK.<\/p>\n<p>Correct<\/p>\n<p>G A W D<\/p>\n<p>Huffing, puffing, exhaling, stomping, eye rolling, grunting, screeching, door slamming,\u00a0 undulating hormones but enough about me. Teenwolf is calm. He is under control. He knows how to wind me up. My achilles heel. My bete noire \u2013 whatever that means.<\/p>\n<p>And it is this.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018So how did you get on at school Mum?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Oooh look what the hell is that?\u2019 I squawk<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_3899\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3899\" style=\"width: 246px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/Oh-My-God-look-at-that.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-3899\" title=\"Oh My God look at that!\" src=\"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/Oh-My-God-look-at-that.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"246\" height=\"205\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3899\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">He saw it too! The thing! He did!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>He gives me the look.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018I\u2019m serious. Look! That thing out there. Out the window that big blue thing I just saw flying up there look. Wow\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Mum!\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Yes\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018I know what you are doing. How did you get on at school mum?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Cough cough splutter splutter collapse onto the floor. Weak breathless voice \u2018 Help help I am choking. Help!\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018For Gods sake Mum.Get up.\u00a0 I know you are just doing that\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Cough cough splutter, less movement now, lying face down on the kitchen floor ignoring the half wit labrador now licking my ear.\u00a0 \u2018Water\u2019 I drag out in a deathly whisper \u2018Water\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>He steps over me and leaves the room.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Yeh I thought so\u2019 he states calmly.<\/p>\n<p>I am up on my feet in a second.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018What do you mean?\u00a0\u00a0 You thought what?\u2019 I do disappoint myself sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018You were useless.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Fake faint.\u00a0 Bollocks. I\u2019m staying here til it\u2019s all over. it seems I still am.<\/p>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This time of year I am tempted to start smoking again \u2013 heavily. Up the drinking to make Oliver Reed look like King of The&#8230;<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[25,24,104,83,1161,77],"tags":[1130,1164,1166,1165,1584],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3896"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3896"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3896\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}