{"id":3826,"date":"2011-05-03T09:28:09","date_gmt":"2011-05-03T08:28:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/?p=3826"},"modified":"2012-05-29T21:35:35","modified_gmt":"2012-05-29T20:35:35","slug":"a-new-health-scare-sweeping-the-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/2011\/05\/a-new-health-scare-sweeping-the-world\/","title":{"rendered":"A new health scare sweeping the world."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So when is anyone going to talk about this?<\/p>\n

\u00a0There are statistics to prove it’s happening, there are examples of it all around and yet everyone is brushing it under the \u00a0carpet. Well they would if they could be arsed to get up and find a brush. We know that when there is a major health scare going on the powers that be, the bossy upper echelon type characters, \u00a0will keep it from us for fear of\u00a0a mass panic.\u00a0Well\u00a0they will\u00a0until they are safely dug into their luxury bunkers somewhere East of Java as the rest of us suffer the consequences of some over ambitious GM food scientists Frankenstien virus. But it’s time to blow this one out of the water.<\/p>\n

So it is with\u00a0 a genuine\u00a0 expression\u00a0of gravity \u00a0I must report that a new and potentially fatal syndrome which is sweeping the world. That syndrome\u00a0 is Twitter Arse.<\/p>\n

Twitter Arse occurs without the sufferer being fully aware.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Once a Twitter account has been started the seemingly innocuous 149 character Tweets are a\u00a0novelty that gradually\u00a0turn into minutes, hours, days, weeks, months of sitting Twittering nonsense to the world at large.<\/p>\n

Some tell jokes, some (myself included ) are self-employed writers, journalists, broadcaster who specialise in prevarication and distraction which makes Twitter\u00a0the\u00a0perfect and potentially lethal \u00a0fit. Others promote, some spread the word of dog , some\u00a0 spread the word of God and some prefer the World According to Garp. No matter which category though the effects are the same. Be warned and please be aware.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
A DVD for a DVD player in some cases.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The symptoms \u00a0checklist includes:<\/p>\n

A DVD in the buttock \u2013 not not a DVT a DVD. If you sit still long enough someone may try to insert a DVD into your bottom\u00a0 thinking that huge bulbous thing hanging out of the back of the chair is a new fangled Alessi DVD machine. Do not be alarmed it is just your ever increasing flabby arse cos exercise and interaction with actual humans is now a thing of the past.<\/p>\n

A DVT in the buttock is also a real danger. Believe me. The bad news is \u00a0I have looked\u00a0 you can\u2019t get a tight black sock to strap that sucker in so clench hourly that should postpone death for a while anyway.<\/p>\n

One\u00a0vast undulating buttock and oh look another one. Yes a matching set. Nice.<\/p>\n

A slackness of muscle everywhere other than the finger and the brain.<\/p>\n

The inability to talk in sentences longer than 149 characters.<\/p>\n

A desire to stay in, stay away from real people and exist only\u00a0 in the world of the Tweeterer.<\/p>\n

A collapse in relationships but who cares? After all \u00a0you have your Twitter family all around \u2013 whoever<\/strong> they are.<\/p>\n

The sad and inevitable end to this syndrome is a slow and painful death. Stuck into your chair, unable to move to request help, you finger breaks down and with it your ability to communicate at all.<\/p>\n

I am off to Tweet this news @alisonsdiary. Many times. For hours, days, weeks, months\u2026..arggggggggggggh. Thud. Whimper. Exhale. Puff. Silence.<\/p>\n

See? Told you.<\/p>\n

I LOVE IT THOUGH!!! DON’T YOU????????????????<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So when is anyone going to talk about this? \u00a0There are statistics to prove it’s happening, there are examples of it all around and yet…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[25,24,104,83,1161,77],"tags":[1160,616],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3826"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3826"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3826\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3826"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3826"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3826"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}