{"id":305,"date":"2010-03-08T23:52:08","date_gmt":"2010-03-08T23:52:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/?p=305"},"modified":"2012-05-29T22:01:58","modified_gmt":"2012-05-29T21:01:58","slug":"alisons-diary-at-the-oscars-exclusive-with-clooney","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/2010\/03\/alisons-diary-at-the-oscars-exclusive-with-clooney\/","title":{"rendered":"Alison’s Diary at The Oscars, exclusive with Clooney."},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Spitting Baccy on stage - never a good look.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

All the money in the world.
\nJewellers scrambling over their mountains of precious stones to offer up priceless baubles for the glitteratti to hing round their toned, honed and fully made-up necks. On that basis perfection is what the baying public expect so what happened to this lot? It’s nae a \u00a0hoe down at Caesars Palace,\u00a0 Hawick you know. Here’s Sandra, a close personal friend, dear\u00a0\u00a0dear Sandy as I call her, clearly she\u00a0 has a great sense of humour and she scrubbed up well \u00a0in this \u00a0lush frock but\u00a0the old Bullock Blowhole<\/strong>\u00a0or as we Aberdonians call it the fish wifies gub destroyed the vision and returned her in our eyes to mere mortal.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
George! In desperate need of a Ronco Hair Trimmer<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now this next piece – a hair piece if you like – not in the wig sense of the word but in the ‘lordy as soon as a geezer feels happy and content in the arms of a gorgeous Italian supermodel he neglects his crowning glory and\u00a0starts to turn from George Clooney<\/strong> wanton sex object \u00a0into George Hamilton V’. Sob. Check out the Long, lifeless hair – no not her! \u00a0Him! Our George (or Dod as I like to call him) has brushed his hair 100 times before bed\u00a0like his Mum told him too and\u00a0then \u00a0swept\u00a0 it to the side.\u00a0\u00a0Now with the help of\u00a0state-of-the art technology<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Dod in 6 months if he doesn't get a grip (a kirby grip)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\n
We can confirm with\u00a0time lapsed photography that this what that barnett will look like in 6 months.\u00a0 <\/dt>\n<\/div>\n

Now dry your eyes and let’s try to move on as happily there were other distractions there to keep our minds off the fact George is almost definately off the market – not cos of the new bird – but enough is enough we have standards you know.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Jake The Peg<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

J-Lo<\/strong> always looks fabulous and it is a well known fact that \u00a0in the past she has spent many hours concealing her quite chunky extra leg. However\u00a0last night she received a rapturous round of applause when for the first time she publically acknowledged it\u00a0 citing the fact her twins were aware of it and didn’t bat an eyelid when she wandered around in her bra and pants \u00a0so it seemed the opportune moment to stop the pretence of being a bi-ped and\u00a0just\u00a0get on with it.\u00a0 Well good On you Jen!\u00a0 Opening the floodgates for all other Hollywood Leg Ends to stand up and be counted we hope.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/a>
A laugh a minute this one.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

So you’re blonde, gorgeous, floating into the Oscars in a beautiful gown. You’re line free, cellulite is something you’ve heard of but aren’t sure if it’s a face cream or a urinary infection. You have legs up to your neck, they are honed and firm, you have not a trace of facial hair or hormonal inbalance so why may I ask do you look so ******** miserable?\u00a0 If Alison’s Diary had been young, firm, rich and lucky enough to there\u00a0it\u00a0\u00a0would have filled\u00a0it’s handbag with freebies, half the buffet and gone round getting\u00a0it’s photograph taken with every star in the place\u00a0 (except George’s hair\u00a0I’m afraid) whilst necking a bottle of champagne. So ! This little madam needs a reality check. Come to Govan for an afternoon dear then tell me you don’t live in a fantasy bubble of marvellousness.\u00a0 Can’t be doing with that.<\/p>\n

\"Oscar<\/a>
Oscar modelled on this young man with David Niven<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Many people wonder who the Oscar was made in the\u00a0 image of, well the answer was in 1972 when David Niven<\/strong> introduced live on stage during the ceremony the actual model for the statue, a Dundonian jute baron called Bill Gordon<\/strong>. As you can see a lively individual and worthy of such an accolade I am sure you will agree.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Quite like that geezer from the 70's actually.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Though on reflection he looks very like David Wilkie the Olympic swimmer and another well known Scot but not, as far as I am aware, a Jute Baron of note.<\/p>\n

Ah well last but not least let’s finish on a high.<\/div>\n
Wasn’t it great to see gorgeous non surgically enhanced Kathryn Bigelow<\/strong> collecting her Oscar for The Hurt Locker<\/strong> as her ex-husband James Cameron<\/strong> him of Avatar<\/strong> aka\u00a0the blue faced meanies looked on with gritted teeth.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\"\"<\/a>
Liz Hurley lookalike with her Mother Beryl<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It was a joy to see\u00a0her relatively small budget film (though I hear it is turgid)\u00a0\u00a0kick his squillion dollar epic in the nads.<\/p>\n<\/dt>\n

<\/dt>\n
<\/dt>\n
Allegedly later on \u00a0after a couple of snakebites, as you can see by the photo below, \u00a0he lost his self control and tried to chase her out of the building but rest easy he was apprehended by security before he could do any real damage. \u00a0Hey ho. Hooray for Hollywood.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\"\"<\/a>
I'll gie you Hurt Locker!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/dt>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All the money in the world. Jewellers scrambling over their mountains of precious stones to offer up priceless baubles for the glitteratti to hing round…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[25,24,104],"tags":[91,89,97,92,94,95,90,93,96],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alisonsdiary.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}