The last unspoken truth. The Menopause.

Easier said than done Mr Sign Maker Man!

So the menopause. Yes move away boys it’s the talk of the town.

Ah yes….signs…for me have included thickening waist and bone dry brittle hair. Muscle tone but a dim and distant memory,  an inability to sleep which adds baggy eyed, flaky skinned, knackered and bloody grumpy to the list. The last unspoken truth.

Me first thing in the morning without clever use of lighting and make-up

Childbirth was until 20 years ago shrouded in mystery and now there are endless blogs, books, instagrammers talking about that (- yes,  yes I know I did one  “The Nappy  Years” available at all good book shops – well Amazon – guffaw). So  is it not about time we blasted the mystery of the menopause out of the backroom and into our day-to-day as none of us have a clue what’s going on and there is not one woman on the planet who won’t, as a natural stage in life, experience it.

For me the following is now my daily mantra,

Eat half as much to weigh twice as much.
Stop drinking coffee after lunch time or risk wide awake club all night.
Stop eating good chocolate after lunchtime –
Stop eating sugar – for half an hour – longer is impossible.
Ignore cakes. If only they would ignore me but they beseech and beg me to scoff them down. Especially a great moist cream cheese laden carrot cake. Oh shit there I go again.
Don’t talk about it
Don’t talk about it
Don’t talk about it
Panic about the weekly alcohol units

Sound deranged. More deranged than usual.

And so here we all are, not even naval gazing as I would need a periscope attachment to seem my naval these days. Barbapapa is in the house and morphing over the furniture. That Barbapapa is me.

Other cultures look upon this time in a woman life as a positive. They believe we cease to bleed because we are at the height of our powers and now wise enough and are thus complete so the need to lose and renew on a 4 weekly basis ceases. I am trying to adopt this psychology as I crochet my chin hairs into a plait but its hard to read without my glasses. Which I lose on a daily basis because my memory is shot. Sorry have we met?

Yes the menopause. It’s all the rage.

And the gloves are off…..well the hands are hot too……





Writer & broadcaster.

Related Posts

Read also x