Ahoy shipmates – The back, the lung and 81 adventure continues…


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This photo looks like  Cuba but is actually Cullercoats in Whitley Bay where we swooped in for a couple of drinks with Geordie Els Mum and Dad, brother Derek, wife Mel and pals on the way to the overnight DFDS ferry.So here they are oh and the dogs of course. If you’re a dog lover you will want to know this  white wee puff ball is Stan –  half Westie Half Bichon.

Of course if you don’t like dogs you won’t give a monkeys. If you do like dogs you will want to know this is Smudge Image 13– Ellies folks cheeky wee hairball,

If you don’t like dogs you will be getting pissed off by now but if you do then you will need to know the third dog was called  is the lovely Mollie spaniel, soft silken and eager to please. Unlike us. So anyway a couple of swallies down we were off to the ferry terminal for the DFDS experience overnight to Amsterdam.


First things first a good frisking.

My days as a drug runner occasionally catch up with me. But try as they might they couldn’t detect the Class A but being wrestled to the deck by a large security girl meant the bar was the first port of call when we got onboard. Aye Aye captain.. 
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Meanwhile Mums days as a lorry driver showed their colours again.  She loves that belly of the boat where she can talk diesel and  hauling wagons across Europe. Here she is before getting the lift back to join us mere passengers. Ah yes old habits….

Image 5When we got upstairs there was a reception desk.

‘Welcome aboard ship mates – can I help you?’

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Off  to our cabin a 3 bed job.  Well we had pushed out the boat in more ways than one but hell if you haven’t been out of your house for a year you need a wee treat.


Joan Collins eat your heart out.
Joan Collins eat your heart out.

After jumping on the beds in an excited state we  read the bar was free so off we went at speed. Campari or wine, endless coffee, tea and pastries.

We scoffed some nibblets and had a drink as we gazed out the huge window which sits right below the Captain’s Bridge – that’s the name for his control deck not his nose by the way.

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The sea was flat calm so were we as a result.


Explorers hats on we went up to the sunny deck where reggae music boomed out and the eyeballs of all were on everyone else. Age 20 a hoot as this was clearly going to be a snogfest but we slipped off  before mass tonsil hockey commenced and as usual our stomachs led us on….to The Blue Riband Restaurant.


Dinner time in the Blue Riband Restaurant. The waiter was very taken with Ellie and started over hovering. Still it meant we got served very quickly.  Food was fine though Gordon Ramsays got nothing to worry about but looking at the menu there were some strange sounding items….see if you can spot the unusual item.

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After some lady fingers and giving the waiter who by now was in love with Ellie a tip – (the tip? Wash your knickers in Daz)  we were off to bed  for the night. For tomorrow is another very busy day…..

How busy? Hasta manana….




Writer & broadcaster.

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