There is no doubt the Fringe and Festival have kicked off. It is not the hoards of people, the scrunched up hungover souls that shuffle around clutching bacon sandwiches and coffee in their shaky hands or actors dressed as Victorians or aliens walking the streets stuffing leaflets into our outstretched paws that alerted me to the official commencement of fun. No no no. it is more to do with the fact my friend Fiona Duff texts me with a completely ridiculous message.
Kicking off Festival 2011 Yesterdays was: ‘I am meeting John Malkovitch for a drink.’
I love him I said. Well put your anorak on and get round here now and stand your hand.
A couple of years ago it was: ‘What is your long suffering husband doing tomorrow? Would he like to play golf with Aiden Quinn?’He did and well that leads me to another story which I will tell but not now as it still makes me blush profusely.
2 years ago we were sitting in the Assembly Rooms bar and we had one chair spare when a bearded elderly man approached us and asked if he could sit down. ‘No we are expecting someone’ said Ms Duff turning back to her drink. How often does Martin Scorscese get bumped I wonder? Wee sausage went shuffling back to the bar looking a little sad. ‘Don’t you know who that is?’ asked an incredulous onlooker.’ Yes’ she said. ‘But we’re expecting Dynamite Di so no room’
We have sat at a table with Tim Brooke Taylor and Graeme Garden singing Goodie Goodie Yum Yum.Happily Bill Oddie wasn’t there from what I hear he would havebeen less than amused. I have offered to manage Michael MacIntyre, had a fag with Pierce Brosnan, laughed at Huey Lewis (from The News’s bottom – it was in a film) in front of him, fell asleep in front of the commissioning editor for Channel 4 whilst my niece babysat for Kate Winslet.
So as the great and the good arrive from all over the world it’s best they know we feel it is our neighbourly duty to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. No obsequious nonsense, no point, just stand your hand.
.…I shall report back.
