Latest accessory for Spring 2011 & cheap as chips!

You make me wear this hat. Serves you right you need to clear up after me.

The latest accessory for the man/woman about town.  Always secreted in the pocket of the dog owner it is the ubiquitous pooh bag. As the keeper of two scraggy mutts I have them stuffed into pockets, handbags, car glove compartments, jeans pockets, my change purse, my spec case.  They are everywhere – they fall out of every drawer in our house and quite often at meetings or when having lunch with friends I  put my hand into my bag and take a handful of pooh bags out.  Very Anouska Hempel.

My husband as an ex scout is always prepared too. In fact he produced one at a meeting with his banker the other day. Stylish. Having said that bankers have been in the shit a lot recently so they’d  likely be very familiar with them.

As my Dad used to say ‘You live a long time after you’re laughed at’

Strange and unusual things falling out handbags is nothing new of course. My pal Jenny was going to Spain for 8 weeks to do a TEFL  course – how to teach english as a foreign language. There were a lot of them doing it and she was last to fly out to Spain  so had been given a shopping list for what the Scots in Spain  were pining for… Branston Pickle, Paxo Stuffing and condoms.  No they were not nymphomaniacs but  getting a condom in Spain in those days was like trying to find a deep fried pizza and chips on Gwyneth Paltrows lap. So being a thoughtful and diligent friend she swallowed her pride, hit Boots the chemist and with a reddish face left  with her handbag bulging with Durex featherlight. After some more last minute shopping for the Branston and the Paxo  we met for a coffee and a farewell  in a pub in the centre of the city, where we sat and gossiped for ages. Suddenly it was late, Jenny jumped up to pay the bill and as she swung her handbag over her shoulder,  lost her grip and the whole thing upended scattering dozens of condoms all around.  She might as well have had the word SLUT tattooed on her head.

She went to Spain the next day.
She never came back.


Writer & broadcaster.

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