Exams & Life. March 2011

Bloody exams. Driving us all to distraction. And this year they matter. Teenwolf in 4th year knows there is no escape. He  works, but is it hard enough? He says yes. I say em………I don’t think so. When I walk into the room he is texting, fiddling aroud with Facebook and listening to his Mp3.
For Gods sake it is a known medical fact men cannot multi task.Not even  Stephen Hawking could cope with that overload of stimulation and think whatever he thinks about.(A mystery to me all that millarkey and that is with no extra stimulation on my part)  So….yes I do have an issue with the multiple sensory overdose.
Also residing within this maelstrom is the long suffering husband. He is the diplomat and tries to straddle the two opposing views.
This tense situation is inevitably  helped by the dogs who just sit around staring and intermittently releasing vile emmisions into the atmosphere. Always raises a laugh and a shriek of horror.
Then there is my Mum, aka Spidergran, who  is a fat lot of use when it comes to offering  up a bit of support.
Teenwolf to Spidergran: ‘Was Mum any good at school?’   
Yes this the sort of thing...ha ha ha ha ...thanks Mum.

Spidergran ‘ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…get me a tissue….ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…oh you’ll have to excuse me I need the loo’.

As you can imagine this sort of thing hardly bolsters my argument.

So I  genuinely start off every night thinking ‘ I am not going to harrass him, he will do it in his own time’. and before I know it I am huffing and puffing about hperventilating waiting for some action on the book front until I snap.

 ‘Is that you finished studying  for the night’ I say gently,  trying to affect the air of a smiling, calm Stepford woman and failing.

 Seeing my mad eye and worrying tick, he answers ‘ Em…no I ‘ll go back to it…for a while…..later’.

Puce in face, with palpitations imminent, sometimes I smile and walk away. Sometimes I go for it. Either way the result is always the same grumpy him, grumpy me and a regretful silence as we part company for the evening. Him to his room, me to dream of an alternative existence.

No not this sort of thing. Something wooden and dreamy

Ah yes the alternative existence. This is the one where we just think bugger it and all  run off to Australia where he can play rugby all day and all year and I can lie by a swimming pool reading and writing and repapplying my Factor 50  each time I go to the bar to replenish my gin & tonic.  LSH still straddles but not so much the mood swings of his hormonal housemates more the prow of his wee wooden fishing boat as he plouters about catching our tea. Yes there are other ways……breaking out from our Scottishness is always on my mind…

The Dog silent but deadly.

No doubt Teenwolf will answer back no doubt. . www.teenwolfspeaks.com


Writer & broadcaster.

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