Drunken doughball ages woman – me – 75 years in one night.

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The joy of escaping the testosterone infested house for a night was in my heart as I drove up to Aberdeen, in Scotland’s North East yesterday. A wild night at the annual Oil & Gas Quiz which raises thousands for Spinal Injuries Scotland. It is a sell out year to year and having MC’d for a few years I know the score  and the people involved so it went off like  rocket.

Loads of money was raised, we gave away a car – no that is not a misprint a Fiat Panda no less – and loads of other great stuff. The final total we’re not sure of yet but it’s tons. in fact it was such a reat night wo tables have already been booked for this the event next year.

So about 1am I headed back to my room – no I did not go to the bar for a change – the idea of a snore free sleep, without having a hairy top lipped teen wolf wandering around demanding a refill for his nosebag every 30 minutes meant the idea of collapsing into my bed, with a book and whisky – God I sound 145 ! – was too much to resist. Well that and my pal Gordon is having a monumental party this weekend and my house will be full of boozers from Friday – Sunday – HELP! ensured I avoided late night shenanigans.

So head down light out &  out like a light.

Cut to 3.30 am  when I am woken by a snuffling clicking noise. God I thought someone is trying to get into my room.

As I lay there now wide awake I realised it was a plastered nit wit of the first order who had gone to the bar and had lost the ability to operate a door handle guddling around trying to get into their bedroom nextdoor. Now not in their defence it wasn’t even a key it was a credit card key where you just brush it over the handle area and door springs open. As I lay there getting angrier, and more awake I nearly jumped up and out and said ‘For Gods sake let me do it!’ but luckily I realised I was naked and that the poor unfortunate recipient of my naked ranting would probably sue me for trauma. So I lay there, til they got in, which was about 15 minutes!!! and then lay awake  for hours and hours.

Back in Edinbugh  now eyes like pee holes in the snow, I want to go to sleep, not dance til dawn, drink marguaritas and sing loud songs but well – needs must. I am off for a bath now, a lie down – ( Oh God I really I am 149) and then I will just over apply too much make-up and go for it. Gordon has whipped up about 50 old pals for his birthday so……….another big weekend ahead! If I survive I will report.


Writer & broadcaster.

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