
According to these self appointed Professors of Posterior almost half of us girls have a tomato shaped bottom “bigger, plumper, rounder and squishy to the touch”, the retailer said.
A tomato shaped bottom for heaven’s sake what is that about?
A cherry tomato, a Spanish tomato, a plum tomato, a fried green tomato at the whistle stop cafe?




‘Are you saying I look like an arse?’ he said before stomping off in high dudgeon – I think he has a chip on his shoulder. And who can blame him.
The third category, the familiar and yet insulting pear shaped bum remains in vogue.
”The pear shape is narrower at the top and almost twice the size at the fullest part of the behind’ Pear shape is something I have been called and to me it is tantamount to shouting and pointing ‘hey you! You’ve got a big bahooky I’m looking for somewhere to park 

my bike. Any chance?’
So tomatos, tatties and pears what’s the final one?
A nectarine. A nectarine overly red, with a big stone in the middle not something I would relish.
Asda say that a nectarine bum is “close to the cartoonesque derriere perfection of two bowling balls pushed together”. Two bowling balls pushed together?! Have you ever picked up a bowling bowl, incredibly heavy and gulp it has 3 holes. No thank you.

The Wonderbum range was launched after a survey revealed that 85% of women worried about the size and shape of their bottoms. Only 85% !Well I am sure that will be up to 99% now. Am I a tomato? A potato? A pear? or a nectarine?
Asda say “Women should celebrate their shapes this Christmas. We’ve designed a range of gorgeous party dresses to suit every shape and size.” But if I can add if your backside in any resembles a bowling ball like this one call your Dr. forthwith.
If you feel you fit the fruity profile then the Wonderbum range features four dresses in sizes 8 to 20, priced from £20 – blooming good value never mind the rest of it. See you at the bar!