Linda Lovelace, Arthur Smith, Aida and a Geordie.

Did I mention I caught a 5lb salmon last week?

Waking up on the morning of the festival without a hangover is a joy. When I say a hangover I don’t necessarily mean one of these shivery, low blood sugar, nausea hangovers courtesy of 3bottles of wine and no dinner. No I mean after a day off seeing shows I can focus, daylight looks quite good, I am frankly refreshed after not being locked in a dark auditorium for hours on end yesterday. I had a day off. I did. I left the confines of Edinburgh city centre after a brief sojourn to the Book festival and shuffled along the beach with the dogs.

Honky fish

By 11am there was a call. Want to see Arthur Smiths show? Can’t today am out of town. OK. This year Arthurs Smith isn’t letting journalists or reviewers in unless they juggle with kippers. I wrote about this other other day and there was a note left on the website from a journalist who told me she had gone to see Arthur Smith and not wanting to incur his wrath,  juggled with kippers – it took her hours to get the smell of her hands. Lemon juice is my mums tip. Lemon juice. The fact that a woman of her age (79) didn’t enquire why anyone was juggling kippers during a fringe show wasn’t an issue. Funny woman my mother. Funny ha ha too.

This Oprah I love!

At mid-day another call. ‘Fancy opera?’ Winfrey? I asked enthusiasitcally.  ‘No opera as in la la la la la in a foreign language’. Oh No. thanks. The fact I am out of town is irrelevant I am not an opera la la la fan I can’t help it One of my pals Fiona was a fabulous opera singer. We all went to see her doing Aida once, thank God there were subtitles. We met afterwards in the bar ‘Did you like it?’ She asked. Yes I lied. ‘Did you understand it ?’ she asked. Yes I lied. ‘You’re lying aren’t you?’ She asked. Yes I said, telling the truth. So feet in sand, wind in dry, out of condition hair I had a day at the beach. Well an hour but it might as well have been a day. The positive ions smacked me in the chops and I felt 100% refreshed and ready for the weekend.

3 shows today.

Classy geezer this

A friend arriving from Newcastle – I have requested she remains clothed despite the reputation of the female Geordie, she has agreed – she’s here with clothes until Monday. Tempted to take her to see Lovelace the Musical for a laugh – anyone heard anything about it?

Another friend and her daughter arriving on Monday til Tuesday.

I have 10 days work to fit into 4 next week. I must plan ahead. I try but can’t. I have an inability to plan sensible time into blocks. Well I can plan it and then I just completely ignore it. It’s too scary. All I want out of life is an i dotter and a t crosser and I think I could conquer the world. Until then I will remain disorganised, untidy and confused.

Off to put the slap on ready to roll.


Writer & broadcaster.

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