Long suffering husband hiding in a bush

Very is the answer to that question

The culture of celebrity has gone mad. The world is obsessed with being on TV. Babes in arms first words used to be ‘Ma ma’ or much to my annoyance in my child’s case ‘Da Da’ but now it is more likely to be ‘I wanna be famoosh’ as an appearance on telly seems to be a lot of peoples focus in life. Think about  Big Brother, Jeremy Kyle, How Fat is My dog, How Daft is my Brush, How Big is My Bottom  and every other reality type program over populated with people who would be better switching off their telly and getting a life.

Of course then we have David. My lovely husband. He is on telly tonight being interviewed on BBC2 Moneywatch program at  8pm  about alternative invesment and where is he? Dressed in a sharp suit, teeth whitened sitting on a bar stool waiting for adulation and praise? No. Recharging his mobile for the flood of calls from agents, producers and clients after his appearance? Em no.  In the hairdresser getting a trim, shave and manicure?  No barking up the wrong tree I’m afraid he is actually hiding in Glen Lyon. Well, when I say hiding he has literally headed for the hills with his fishing rod, best pal and 3 cheeky wee boys,  his idea of heaven.

Don’t you want to see it? I asked incredulous.

‘God no’ he said ‘why would I want to watch myself on the television?’
It’s a good question. What sort of person does like to watch themselves on TV? I used to do a thrice weekly chat show and I couldn’t watch myself – neither could anyone else of course. In fact David who had Howies Restaurants at the time was asked to be the regular on-screen chef. You know the sort of thing?  Turn up daily, whip up a dish live on set whilst bantering and then go home.  Most people when asked would think Yes please. Great for business. Fun to be on the telly. But not David. His face went white and he simply said ‘ no thanks’.His mind was not for changing.

All day and all night? Grit yer teeth

The one time I did do a cookery program called Square Meals with him he was so nervous I had to stop filming, take him to the pub next door and make him down 2 pints of lager quickly at 11am. He relaxed slightly after that though maybe too much as he did set a dishcloth on fire and we couldn’t stop laughing for about 15 minutes. So the on screen relationship was not destined to be. Probably to the benefit of the off screen one.

Could you imagine being Judy being faced by Richard every night you go home? It would be bad enough having to put up with them all day, but all night as well. No no anything but that.

So we are still married, Dave is in a river fishing a highland stream and hasn’t even got access to a telly for tonight. But I will watch it. I will tell the world and he will live in the real world, come home pick up his messages tomorrow and get on with it. Business as usual.


Writer & broadcaster.

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