Kylie Minogue stripped bare.

Halloween cake face

It’s official. All fakery, facial paralysis and jabby stabby face nonsense is being stopped and the natural, bare faced Ms Minogue is set to emerge more beautiful than ever I’ll be bound. And the replacement for the botulism drops? Ponds Cold Cream!  Yup I confess I shoved some in my basket at Boots today whilst getting the usual No.7 Protect & Survive serum or whatever it’s called.  Now Kylie is a gorgeous being  but over time she has metamorphised from girl-next-door to wanton sex Goddess and in the proces became someone  we can no longer  identify with. The blame it seems can be safely laid at the door of botox.   And about time. You must have talked overdone botox  with your girlfriends. Yes as that lioness mask of perfection smiled out from glossy pages and events my lot agreed she looked just a tad – well fake. The warmth was gone and in it’s place the clone of a thousand others which meant she looked air brushed and Jessica Rabbit even when shuffling about in her baffies. Huh.

She's lovely! Isn't she?

Now along with others including Amanda Holden, Courtney Cox and a bloke I know in East Lothian they have ditched the paralysis look for a more natural look. And good on them. Did you see Julie Walters at the BAFTA’s ? Do you think she would have got all those fabulous roles Mo, Mary Whitehouse etc. if her face didn’t move?  I mean how could she play anyone other than a Halloween Mask if her chops were frozen in a ridiculously supine formation?  As actors round the world slowly morph into each other,  perfect but dull,  it’s fabulous to see someone in the public eye aging gracefully and clearly being loved by all around her – in no small part  because when people smile at her she can actually smile back as opposed to the botox beasts who can just  bare their teeth and scare children.

Ponds for the gals! Original Ad.

Happily in Kylies case sense has prevailed and so it’s over to Ponds Cold Cream? It’s a very reasonable £3.78 for a jar. They have 4 other products in Boots none exceeding £5 per jar. Ye Old War Slap as you can see by this original ad. is the order of the day.  Joanna Lumley also swears by it and she looks amazing and above and beyond that so does my Auntie Margaret who is 81 and virtually line-free. Really! So as of today  I am now a Pond dweller – the cleanser and moisturiser are the new regime starting today. Goodbye dry, sagging face but if I don’t like Kylie by a week on  Saturday  then someones head is  going to roll (  mine probably down to the nearest plastic surgeon.) I shall report back.


Writer & broadcaster.

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