Road Trip Thelma & Louise Day 1

 

So we’re off. Mum and I are heading off to Europe today in the car. In preparation last night we drank a lovely bottle of wine and toasted the next few weeks of driving, travelling and “mindfulness” Yes the buzz word for the middle aged crisis sufferers the world over of which I am one. Obviously. Mum is neither middle-aged nor neurotic so that must have come from my Fathers side of the family. The mad, hairy, ones. Ah yes there’s the clue. Still back to the trip.

 

The first hurdle in leaving is pictured here. The dog.

SMILE IF YOU HEART IS BREAKING
SMILE IF YOU HEART IS BREAKING

Nellie the lurcher. She got a bit twitchy when she saw Mum pack her bags and spent last night pacing the flat then when we got up this morning she was glued to Mums bags displaying her doleful eye.

 

I took a different approach as my dogs are 15 and 13 respectively if I had said goodbye to them it would have taken 2 hours and involved a lot of wailing and snottering so I gave them a biscuit a cursory scratch on the head and  they walked off rewarding me with a lazy wag.

GOODBYE CRUEL WOMAN
GOODBYE CRUEL WOMAN

As they disappeared off into a bushI ran in and gathered the next armful of extraneous goods to stuff into the boot before leaving the flat for the last time tears threatening.

 

For those considering taking a car. First revelation.

 

Travelling across Europe by car is a joy. No one to winge about the size of your cases or the number you have of them. So we have spread out…..there’s just us and over the boot and back seats we have:

  1. The Library; Selection of books to read on the road. Travel books, thrillers, sci-fi-romance, history it’s all in there. NO WE DON’T HAVE A KINDLE and NOW WE DONT WANT ONE.
  2. The larder. Food for stuffing into the face in times of desperation which we plundered on day 1 more details to follow…..
  3. The digital radio – yes I must have @BBC6music at all times when in transit
  4. The footwear. Shoes, flip flops, trainers, wellies, boots, flippers.
  5. The rumbley rolls of clothing. Warm stuff, sandy, old summer stuff, winter stuff, spring and Autumn stuff – fully prepared for all eventualities.
  6. The drugs. Not illegal ones but the ones you end up accumulating. Ibuprofen, aspirin, paracetamol, a couple of back supports as my back as been chronic recently, vitamins, Nytol for the insomnia and then Mums array of stuff for blood pressure. I wonder when you see Posh Spice (Yes I still call her that) swashbuckling through Heathrow with all her bags if they are filled with Berocca and painkillers in case of a cracking hangover after a wild night out with Gordon Ramsay and his wife Tana.

But seriously to the untrained health freak we probably look like a couple of dealers. There are a serious number of bottles with pills in them in the boot. I hope we don’t get stopped at customs.

  1. Shampoo. I ordered it twice by mistake on Amazon and thus have 12 bottles of shampoo in the car which we can sell if we run out of money, or petrol, or the will to carry them round Europe.
  2. Lotions and Potions required for maintenance. This is a biggie.

You know the sort of things Cleanser. Moisturise, Veet, conditioner, body moisturiser, deodorant, anti-pespirant, perfume, my make – up which we did consider putting in a separate trailer. Mums make up – pictured. Is slightly less high maintenance.

 

Electronics:

Laptop. Phone. Chargers. Camera. Batteries.

Vital equipment: Maps. Addresses of where we are going. Instruction on how to use the Sat Nav.

By now there is barely enough room for Mum and I.

 

If it doesn’t just burst I will report back tomorrow…..

 
Hasta La Manana

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barefaced horror on national TV – sorry.

Oh happy day.

Security woman carrying me in on her head

Up at 5am, looking like a sack of tatties, arrived at the BBC to prepare for presenting Call Kaye on Radio Scotland in Glasgow at 7am as Kaye Adams was having a well earned break. Sitting, baggy and slumped preparing the show when I get the call ‘come through we are ready to do  the trailer’ OK I said and shuffled through to the radio studio.

And then I heard the terrifying words.

No Alison, not in there it’s  a television trailer.

What?

The trailer goes out on TV.

Immediate nausea hit me as I gasped but I haven’t got any slap.

Oh.

Have you?

No sorry.
Can I do the trailer with a bag over my head?

No.

Sure?

Yes.

Oh. Ok better get ready for the national grid to surge as everyone lunges at their TV and turns it off.

She laughed, bless her.

I meant it.

A wrinkle faced bat - or me? You will never know.

So if you were unfortunate enough to clock the tired, faced old bat this morning at 8.30am. Yes that was me and yes I did look shocking. I don’t go to the shops without my slap on – so national TV at 8.30am was a tad traumatic – for you more than me I suspect – and that’s saying something.

Tips of the make-up trade.

A little green round the gills I'm sure you'll agree

I love a transformation, a before and after, and even at this late stage there is a glimmer of hope that  that with the application of some fabulous make-up, lotions and potions I can be transformed from bag head to wrinkle free supermodel. Well not quite but I live in hope that at least something can be done cos I’m not jabbing botox in my face.

So today I am off to talk to a professional make-up artist, who has done the faces of loads of stars.
She is going to talk us through the latest fads, must  haves and creams that she reckons really work.

So stand by your make-up bag – tomororw here live footage of all her stuff….laid out in a TV studio …showing us round…telling us some trade secrets,  YES ! The elixir of youth could be yours and mine oh and that girl over there too.

Transformation from green going well here Shrek. Gives me hope.

Yum! I can’t wait and neither can my facial droopy bits

Al x

Oh don’t forget to subscribe to this on the right hand side, fill in your email address. We’re giving away our first bottle of champagne to one lucky subscriber TOMORROW !  Whoopee!

Early morning ahead, BAD

Me, prior to make-up this morning.

As you can see above early morning is not my thing and tomorrow, Wednesday,  I’ve  to be at work by 7.30am  to go on camera –   ha ha ha ha ha – I can hear you from here. And quite right too. Long gone are the days when I can wake up in the morning with the same shaped face as the one that I took to bed the night before. In fact I am considering not going to bed at all to save the  melted wax face making an appearance on national telly. 

Of  course I will, and then there I will  lie. awake for hours worrying about whether  I’ve got the right clothes in my bag, how long will it take me to get there, will anyone see my hands on camera? The fingers are stumpy with raggedy nails and frankly would put anyone off their dinner – normally not an issue but this is a  cooking program so I may have to wear gloves.  I will look  like a bad Michael Jackson tribute act -with two gloves instead of one. Hey ho. 

Me showing off my new mono glove to hide my nails

Actually I did enquire as to whether or not there was a plastic surgeon on the set and they laughed. They though I was joking.  Which is why I look a bit angry in this photograph.  Nice hat though.

Will update once I get a look in the make-up artists back as to her latest tricks to hold back the years. Alx