Sack of tatties

A mature party - unlike one we've ever had. Sadly.
A mature party – unlike one we’ve ever had. Sadly. Courtesy of

Why is it I wait until the morning of a party to get something to wear? It’s not just any party either its our party. A party to relaunch our restaurant in Aberdeen.

As ever I have been concentrating on the night itself, the folk, the food, the drink and the music and then come the revolution I think. ‘Och I will just wear that-it’s’ fine’. Then I realise when I try it on and the poundage of Christmas still clings to my not insubstantial fleshy bits  it is not in fact fine at all unless I want to look like a mutton dressed as lamb, VPL, bulgy bodied, baggy kneed harridan. Which I don’t.

The thing is it’s a perfectly good dress, from Sandwich which my pal donated to me but it won’t cut the mustard unless I cut the calories and it’s a little late for that.   To wear a too tight bulger is just not going to do for the relaunch of the restaurant  plus let’s be honest I am seeing people I haven’t seen for 20 years and I don’t want to look well em.. 20 years older. Also I don’t want to look as though I have tried too hard so the frock that was for the offsprings 21st is not getting an airing. “She’s done up like a dogs dinner look at the state of that!” Its a rock and a hard place situation so I get up at 7am and google all the shops in Edinburgh, the majority of which don’t open till 10am ! Why? Anyway we are leaving at 10am so the only real option is John Lewis.  Concession central so I am standing at their locked grill gates at 8.59am  to find something. Anything.

Cramming 20 dresses into a changing room finally I try this one on. Thankfully this photo is not of me in it – obviously – but well I felt black was a little dull. So.images…I tried on another 25 and by now hot, sweaty and grumpy I plumped (sic) for this one from Damsel In A Dress. Bright. Cheery. Machine washable. Yes I have complete aversion to dry cleaning anything. Ever. Grippy and lazy my two watch words.I_5055344785255_01_20151216So relieved off I run to check out, pay, run home, pack car, put sausage dog in car, drive to Aberdeen. Arrive, shower, open bag, realise new dress is still in Edinburgh 120 miles away so I have no option but to wear the original sausage skin.  I blame this stress on what happened next which I can’t quite bear to write down yet. Mortified. Tomorrow when my blood pressure returns to normal I will.

Badly behaved old bat (dehydrated)

PS Googling Damsel in a Dresses website and happily found this great Blog Damsel In A Dress from California which has nothing to do with that stripy thing above and everything to do with a great blog. Its on my blogroll from when I remember how to add it.

Fit Flop Fever – don’t despair there is salvation for the winter foot.

You see these legs? They are nothing like mine. Not one jot. Och well.

My Fit Flops have lived on my size 6 Aberdonian feet so consistently I think they may actually be grafted on. Yup those squishy thick soled flip flops which purport to tone up your bum and legs have taken the world by storm but on a more personal note I have not worn anything else since about May. Since I bought them.

Last week when in Majorca I noticed about 50% of the women stomping past were wearing them too. Whether or not they tone the bum they are without a shadow of a doubt the most

Gratuitous pic of firm bottom - nothing to do with Fit Flops but nice.

comfortable things I have ever worn and the trauma of arriving back in Scotland had less to do with the fact that the temperature dropped rapidly and more to do with the fact if I didn’t want hypothermia in my toes I was going to have to take off the Fit Flops and swap them for a thick sock and a very normal boot or shoe. Fit flop fever.

Yup the Fit Flop boot - proof it exists

Mooning around with my ski sock on realising I may never walk again I idly googled Fit Flop like some love sick teenager, only to discover – jesu joy of mans desiring – they are now doing a range of boots. They are! Some long, some short, some Ugg lookalike some just black stompers and so I feel my exercise regime has been given a stay of execution.

I have never walked so much in my life since the advent of the fit flop. So whether it’s the shape of them that makes you fit or the fact they are so incredibly comfy you love walking everywhere I don’t know – but they do something. For me they are a virtual aphrodisiac for the foot. Instantly I called John Lewis only to find out they are all out of stock already so I went on to a new one on me and ordered a pair. They are on the way. I will have to stay in until they arrive – well apart from tomorrow night when I am off to a wine tasting with the lady who owns Hunters wines in New Zealand.  Amazingly impressive looking lady complete with OBE and vineyards. I may wear the fit flops in their honour after all they all wear flip flops there and I will report back – fit flop fever.