High Visibility Pillock Spotted In Mirror. Me.

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So the road trip plan is going on – and on – and on. I am the culprit. I could organise I piss up in a brewery but other than that organising anything confuses my brain completely.

I need to drive from Edinburgh to Barcelona by car.

I can’t fly. It’s not that I don’t want to. I can’t so I have no choice.

So I look at the map.

I can see where I am and where I want to go but how do you plan it?
How do you know where to stop?

When to stop?
How many miles you can realistically drive on a day to day in a right hand drive car in France or Spain?

A pal told me I need a breathalyser – thanks I said – no he meant legally in France you must have two in the car. Oh. OK

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Also on the list are two high viz jackets.
Where do you get those? I said arriving to buy some tea lights from IKEA and instantly stumbling into a huge pile of high viz jackets for about 90p each. Weird.

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But as it’s IKEA not only is it weird – its a bargain.

Though I do get distracted with why one earth do IKEa sell high viz jackets?

Is it  for people who fall asleep half way through building a flat pack so their family don’t trip over their  prone exhausted  bodies as they go about their business. Anyway it was a happy coincidence whatever the reason.

So I bought 2 for me and 2 for him and so he got the breathalysers so all we need now is the route.

Even the drive to Dover is confusing.

Drive all the way in a day or stop over somewhere and if so where?

Or get a ferry from Newcastle?

And so it goes on so prevarication wins out as usual.

Speaking of which it’s Good Friday – Happy Easter – I am off to stuff my chops with chocolate eggs in the hope the rush of sugar to the brain will effect a shift in my capacity to plan…

Teenwolf is set the ultimate challenge….can he rise to it?

Afraid – truly afraid

What do you give a teenage boy to whip him into a frenzy?

Beer?

Beer that cannot be detected on the breath by the sharp nosed parent?

A one on one with the cheerleaders of the national rugby team?

Fake ID?

Hmmmn - what the ???X Ray eyes?

An ability to study whilst listening to their Ipod, texting their friends and Facebooking – oh no of course, according to teenwolf they can do that.

A pizza the size of a sports stadium?

Some ‘`how to get the ladyeeeez to`LOVE you’ tips from Jayzee?

Yes to one or all of the above.

One thing that will not however get them into a frenzy, is the package I took home today.

As you can see it looks rather intriguing. It was as teenwolf undid the tags on the side and as it burst into it’s upright glory .it resembled one of those cloth tunnels he had as  a 3 year old from IKEA which he spent many hours climbing through.

‘God Mum it’s not a tunnel is it?

‘Yes’.

‘You’re joking! ‘

‘Well yes’.

A hat for unfeasibly large head?

‘Oh…well ‘, he muttered as he looked in a bemused fashion into the very belly of the cloth beast as it stood on it’s end.

‘Well what  is it?’

‘Ok sit down,’ he sat down ‘this is an alien concept, an implement  which will stun and confuse you’.

A nervous tick emerged as he watched me suspiciously.

‘It is a …’

Pause for effect

For once I had his full attention

‘….Laundry basket’

‘A what?’

‘A receptacle into which you put your dirty laundry.’

‘Oh’  instant and extreme disinterest is now displayed.

‘Anything that is dirty that does not go in here, will not be washed.’

He gave me that ‘och Mum I know how much you love me this is bound to a temporary arrangement’ grin.

I gave him the evil eye.

‘ I mean it.’

So off he went to do his homework. AKA Sit in front of the computer, facebooking his pals, strumming the guitar, texting, listening to his Ipod – oh  but only after spreading his school books on the kitchen table so when I walk in he can quick as a flash sit in front of them and look studious. I shall post an update in 24 hours…what do you think the odds are of anything being in it?

Please examine the artists (if you can call me that!) impression of the process  below. – I am the one with the big bottom on the left. Double click on it to make it bigger – but beware it is Teenwolf’s lair. Welcome to my world.

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