Zante trip imminent. Smelling salts for the parents please.

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This time next week the boy who has turned into a teenwolf and teeters on manhood is off to Zante. Yes the island that has featured on Sex, Sea and Suspicious Parents in which platoons of teenagers maraude the nightclubs and bars speed drinking, fighting and lying in pools of suspicious substances after thrusting their tongues down available throats. I feel sick.

 

It’s a right of passage I am told.

Yes. I understand.

I understand but it makes no odds. The lump of concrete in my belly is intact. So I have a few choices to make.

Shall I

  1. Drink for 7 days thus displaying the ‘if you cant beat them join them’ ethos?
  2. Find a crooked Dr and arrange an intravenous tranquiliser for the week?
  3. Check myself into a chanting retreat to be calmed in a Zen like fashion?
  4. Go too?

 

No. None of the above. I will have to display the mature adult persona. Being helpful, concerned yet happy to let him go to the land of the lamping, flashing and guzzling. AAAARRRGGHH. I may have to practice this technique as at the moment barricading the door so he cant get out of his room is still rather appealing.

 

Mature Adult impression
Mature Adult impression

Genuinely it’s not his lot I am worried about it’s the lunatic heavily tattooed, drunken casual spoiling for a fight and taking a dislike to a bunch of Scottish lads. Just for the hell of it.

Oh and the mopeds.

And the drink spiking.

And of course  the balconies.

There there’s alcohol poisoning.

Sunburn.

Drowning if swimming and gulping beer.

 

So what stage does parenting become a relaxing experience I asked my Mum who was 82 last week.

She smiled back ‘Never’.

Thanks for that Mum.

 

 

Anyway….just in case you’re interested

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How to avoid drink spiking

If your drink has been spiked it’s unlikely that you will be able see, smell or taste any difference.

The following steps may help prevent someone from spiking your drink:

  • Never leave your drink unattended.
  • Don’t accept a drink from someone you don’t know.
  • Keep an eye on your friends’ drinks.
  • Stay away from situations that you don’t feel comfortable with.
  • Let someone know where you are and what time you expect to be home, especially if you’re going on a date with someone you don’t know.
  • Don’t give out too much information to someone you’ve just met, such as your address.
  • It’s important to remember that if you’ve already been drinking, it may make you less aware of any danger.

It isn’t just women who are targeted. The most common reasons for drink spiking are:

  • for amusement
  • to be malicious
  • to carry out a sexual assault or rape
  • to carry out a theft