Dog Breath

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The geriatric dogs are sitting by the door.They have seen the writing on the Wall, although being dogs they can’t read them but a glance at the packed bags + they are on red alert. Their eyes pass on their desperate message

‘Don’t go without us. We love you’

Of course they are coming after all how could we leave Flora, half dog, half Womble deaf as a post + Sammy almost a Labrador now blind as a bat with arthritic hips at  home?

It does mean the journey will be hell of course as both dogs suffer from horrific halitosis + even from their remote location at the back of the car behind the rear seats we will be reminded of this revolting reality constantly until we arrive at our destination. Revolted + freezing due to the windows having to be right down whilst driving into the Highlands to save us from asphyxiation as the rotten chopped horrors wheeze +pant. God the very thought yuk! I may hitch.

Did you ever hitch?

My cousin + I were warned never to hitch so naturally we ignored that when we spent our train fares on tacky necklaces in Aberdeen + hitched to Edinburgh aged 17. It was Ford Capris that picked us up + the eejit driver drove so quickly I threw up on his handbrake so we were dropped at a layby on the A-92.  A salutary lesson for everyone. For us don’t hitch + for the geezer driving a now stinking Capris don’t pick up hitchhikers.

No I will travel with the hounds it’s not worth the risk am just off to B+Q for a Mask. See you in the Highlands.

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Found it! How to look 15 years younger.

As a dog lover, dog walker, dog rescuer, dog fanatic and without my make up – dog. I was eager to support my pal Tracy when she set up her own business Pet treks in the hills of Aberdeenshire. A fellow hound fan she and I have enjoyed many dog related adventures over the years.

My first official dog was Stumpy – thus called cos he had a long back, short legs and was probably one of the ugliest dogs I have ever seen. I rescued him from Battersea dogs home because being so hideous we felt there was no way anyone else would have him. Bless. When I arrived back in the north with him, Tracy had just got Rocky a guinea pig sized Jack Russell. The dogs became firm friends and we trolled around together for years.

In the picture were also Tracys Mums Great Danes – Havoc & Hogan. Pal Kerrys dalmation, my mums wire haired dashound Scooter and another Dalmation called Pongo that used to sing along to loud rock. As dogs came and went, people left and came back,  Rocky hung on in there. In fact he was about 18 when he finally died. 18! As  Tracy says when they say a dogs is  for life – she didn’t realise it was her life.

Anyway in recent years she has got herself a spinoni called Lola and a Sporting Lucas Terrier called Plum. She is great walking, talking dog loving girl  who  is now the proud owner of Pet Treks. She takes them big, small, hairy, bald, dogs, cats, horses, rabbit whatever and walks them, exercises them,feeds them cuddles them, talks to them  whatever the clients  want. I want to move back to Aberdeenshire and be her incapable assistant. Since she started she’s lost weight, looks about 25 and has a smile on her face as wide as …well her face…which is a lot less wide than it was by the way.

So though I don’t do merciless plugs – this does feel like one – but hey that’s what friends are for.

Singing dogs needed for BBC radio show….Get It On!

Been up working in Aberdeen, staying with my pal who runs a dog walking business so been traipsing the hills of Deeside with hoards of dogs.  Right up my street.

Plum - with radical haircut and Lola the Spinoni in the green room.

Staying with dogs, as I do, I came home to an e mail from Barbara Wallace the producer of Get It On which I am presenting tonight -Friday – for BBC Scotland and the theme is

What tunes does your dog respond to?

Well that really is over to you…

I remember a dalmation called Pongo in Aberdeen years ago who used to howl to Pink Floyd – yes an ancient hippy spotty dog.

My dog sits and howls like a banshee when I play the piano – mind you so does anyone else that’s within earshot.

If you have a hound of that likes to sing, whine or just wags it’s tails in time to the music..get in touch. Click here for the  Get It On website. getiton@bbc.co.uk or

Facebook just look for Get It On and you’ll find it there.

You can listen live tonight 6.10pm – 8pm BBC Radio Scotland…this wee clip might inspire you…a genuine spotty dog singing his heart out. (note large glass of win in the foreground)

Hideous winter affliction attacks dogs.

Maisie with severe popcorn leg. Ouch.

The strange and exclusive winter affliction that is known as leg popcorn bobbles is hitting hard in these parts.
Waterproof dogs gamble, smile and wag as the wee hairy ones  drag their cold pink tums through the snow and collect hard balls of snow round their fat wee legs and stop dead in their tracks.  It seems the second they spot them they are convinced they have a near fatal disease so just shiver with rigid legs

Siberian popcorn leg from last winter - IT IS BACK

until some generous benefactor picks them up and carries them back to a carpet where they nibble frantically at these strange new white growths on their legs. Can I suggest a very tepid bath gets rid of them instantly. The problem is the dog will ignore you for a few hours but hey ho that’s leg bobbles for you. As you can see, their faces were a picture not just their legs and the contrast between being a lush, black, waterproof dog with not a care in the world versus the hairy ones is never more obvious. Maisie, a labradoodle pup had just seen snow for the first time – I suspect she will be filling out her emigration papers. Flora is my  stalwart  old mongrel but clenched and livid nonetheless as you can see.

Rear popcorn leg poking out and the face is, let's be honest, blind panic.
Popcorn leg sets in - Flora half dog half womble runs for cover - not pleased.
Waterproof dog joyful couldn't care less - WHOOP!
Hellish being a labrador, waterproof and snuggly.
The lovely Fergus - recently sledging, now resting.

Small dogs shiver as this one gets stuck right in. Turncoat and waterproof coat.