Embarrassing bodies.

Fair enough people get embarrassing illnesses.   But why oh why would you want someone to  point a TV camera at it and broadcast it to the world?  And whilst we’re at, why would you want to watch it? Just a thought.

During my research into this fascinating question I have found some rather remarkable examples of these illnesses and yes I can see they are embarrassing. And in the case of these….pretty funny too.

See what I mean?

For example this painter from Wick’s wife noticed, when he took off his bobble hat one night, that there was something rather strange growing out of the top of his head. She admits she handled it badly, namely pointing and laughing which caused him to immediately dig himself into the ground right up to his forehead where he has remained ever since.

Do not laugh at this poor man. It is embarrassing. Stop it.

This woman puts on a brave face

 Meet Mrs. Shona MacFarlane, a working Mum of 5.  Vegetalis Grandissimo is a rare condition which strikes strict vegetarians, it is thought the patients DNA changes and they become part vegetable. Although this is an extreme case things can start small as you can see from this photograph, taken undercover at an early Vegetalis support group.

Presenting on the head is a classic early onset.
Don't let the cucumber get you down. That's the spirit.
Eye wateringly sore this particular strain.

 People have become more and more adept and incorporating their particular vegetalis into their every day life. There are some cases which are too extreme to show…Ok I will then…

Strangle banana the rarest form of the disease.

So just a salutory reminder the next time you’re complaining about your hair going grey or your bum being too big. Things could be infinitely funnier I mean worse. Have a great weekend!

Come Dine With Me ? No Thanks.


Can you get too much of a good thing?

Is anyone else finding themselves falling out of love with Come Dine With Me?  Don’t get me wrong the voice over guy Dave Lamb can live in my house anyday but the increasingly desperate, wannabe, non cooking, knicker flashing, over boozed up, slobbering contestants have started to get right up my nose.

What started as a genuine foodies show, real people who loved cooking and entertaining 3 strangers has degenerated into an ‘I love me who do you love fest’. I will wear a smaller skirt, lower top, and give you the benefit of my culinary ignorance whilst I open a pre-packed chopped vegetable packet and burn it. This is all done gawping at the camera and snorting with laughter. More often than not when the booze goes down  it ends with some poor sod sobbing slumped in a dining chair as fellow guests sneer and are generally obnoxious about them, their home, their food and any other fragment of their life they have allowed these infiltrators see.

The insincere and manipulative marking that goes on in the back of the taxi has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with each contestants blatant determination to win.

They’d give Marcus Wareing a slagging mark my words. Heston? Would be kicked into touch. It’s nothing to do with the food. OK ok it was never about the food, but the disfunctional groups of squabbling dafties is becoming too hard to watch, yet another TV format ruined by the ‘I want to be a star on the telly’ lot and in my opinion frankly this dinner party is over.

Taste Edinburgh – A triumph!


TASTE Edinburgh is over for another year.

What a great event.

In the past sponsored by Channel 4 this year Scottish Power and Stripe PR stepped up to the plate and took over the whole jing bang. A big step and one I sincerely hope pays off for them.

Bringing together Scotlands stop chefs and some fab food and drink Inverleith Park was the venue which in May can be a risk but this weekend the sun shone, the people flocked, the food was produced and the wine – oh God and I should know – was glugged.

Another one? Oh God go on then.

Hotel Missoni sponsored the opening evening with endless jugs of Prosecco which journalists from far and wide engulfed happily. At about 6.30pm the first lot slipped off to a corporate night at Space NK but Dynamite and I hung on there.
The second tranche left to go see Sex In The City 2 the Scottish Premier and yes you guessed it Dynamite and I hung on there. Eventually we declared it was time to go only to bump into an old friend who had just arrived for a wee look round. Fancy a drink girls?

Well we would just LOVE one thank you.

One more bottle later.

Karen Koren, Comedy Queen of Scotland steered our pals confused teenage son round the various food stalls to make sure he didn’t starve as the rest of us propped up the bar and put the world to rights. Home by 8.45pm – but the damage was done.

Next day was quiet. Very quiet.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

Not very comes the long suffering husbands voice from the hall. Unfortunately he adds under his breath – but I heard.

Identity Theft – a blessing!

The Iron Chefs - blimey!

Weekend looms and on Monday Iron Chef starts on Channel 4 5pm.  I’m a judge on 5 of the shows and my pal sent me a text the other night saying ‘saw the promo on the telly you’re looking good’. Well I was immediately suspicious considering I had been up at 5am to get there in the snowy conditions for the recording I knew I was looking baggy to say the least. So the other night teenwolf shouted ‘Iron Chef trailers on’ and I rushed through only to see the last snippet , yes she was right I was looking good! It wasn’t me!  It was Joanna Blythman, The Sunday Herald food critic and considerbly more perky than I.  Still if you’re around Monday 5pm check it out it’s a blast!   http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1156034640?bctid=79487695001

General TV Excitement!

So there I am in the pub with Dynamite when I get a call d’ya funcy being a judge in a new Channel 4 show called Iron Chef? 0000.6 seconds later I said yes. Asked no pertinent questions just bit the mans hand off. Very uncouth for a woman of my age but what the heck. It looks great! It’s billed as a cross between Gladiators and Masterchef it sounds right up my boulevard. Sitting on my bum, eating. Here’s the American Iron Chef to give you a flavour of what it’ll be like!