Life is confusing enough without names for every puff of wind coming our way. Apparently it’s so we pay more attention. So far we have suffered a series of middle class names with strange associations.
1. Abigail – a gingham clad extra in an Enid Blyton book. Irritating but not scary.
2. Barney – an irritating Purple Dinosaur who has driven many parents to hard liquor and reexamining the gun law.
3. Clodagh – Rogers, the singer of the Eurovision hit of many eons back. Long blonde hair and vintage 70’s trousers. Disturbing but again not scary.
4. Desmond – my Auntie Margarets fat dalmatian. aka a sap
5. Eva – Hitlers girlfriend
6. Frank – a boiler suited American form the 1950’s
7. Gertrude – a goose in a Disney film. And as of today
8. Henry – a tweed clad, blustering, red faced, upper class twit of the year.
I propose we ditch these no name names and go for something altogether more menacing.
We all remember Hurricane Bawbag our local vernacular for one of these great whirling twists of hell and so here are suggestions of alternatives;
The A-Z Scottish storms.
A Argie barge
G Glasgae kiss
I Into a’thing
J Jaggy Bunnet
K Kerry oot!
Q Quench the quine
U Up shite creek
W Watch yersel’?
X Xactly why am off to tae Benidorm for ma holidays?
Y Ya Bass!?
Z Zip it or I’ll batter ye.
Now we’re feart! Am heidin’ hame noo.
I love our language. It’s bloody great!