Alison’s Diary – Teenwolf, Lynx, naked woman and old gits.

Monday’s child is fair of face.

You get the idea. Lady Gaga Pizza Face.

But this one isn’t. The easter egg spot count has hit 12 – oh yes each egg I stuffed into my face is now represented by a facial volcano. Usual scenario of course, big meeting in Glasgow and look like someone has stoked my face up with dung to bring out the very worst in a persons complexion. The more I cover it up the more I look like the bride of Wildenstein – before she died  -though come to think of it….. Teenwolf wanders in and his usual nonchalant expression changes ‘Wow Mum that’s a beezer!’ he remarks pointing at my chin and smirking. Thanks I say resisting the urge to upend a bottle of Baileys down my throat. You need to put some Sudocreme on that I’m told. Someone else suggests toothpaste and as I decide which to plump for long suffering husband says the only thing that’ll really work is a bag over the head. I’m googling lawyers.

Tuesday’s Child is full of Grace

Or hot air in the case of the journalist who wrote that Liz Taylor is getting engaged to a 49 year old. Within hours she has denied it on twitter. Can  you really see Liz, bless her, half seized over in ther LA mansion Twittering? No me neither. Still I hope the denial is real ‘cos I am not an approver of massive age differences. Of course LSH and I have quite an age gap – 4 months. He is the older one or as I like to introduce him ‘ this is Dave my considerably older husband’.Of course now we

Paul Weller cheeky old manny

have to contend with the fact Paul Weller, of  The Jam is in fact engaged to a 24 year old – 2 years younger than his son. He’s 51. I had a wee rant about that really the boy needs a slap. Full rant if you click on here http://bit.ly/9097dj

Wednesdays child is full of woe

Or wine more accurately. Meet up with niece Sarah and as the sun is shining we head straight to Cafe Andaluz in George Street, Edinburgh . Tucked right into the back we eat tapas and drink a bottle of Cava to celebrate her engagement. 1 bottle down we should go but we don’t. We snuggle into the seats and get quite nostalgic about Spain eat cheesecake and wish we were there now.

Thursdays child has far to go. Or not.

Cute but hey let's bo honest - delicious too!

Ironically the volcano has erupted and all flights are cancelled. A cursory look at my chin and I can confirm it’s not my volcano it is in fact a real one in Iceland. At ease. Have pals coming to stay this weekend and have been packing food into the fridge in anticipation. Will they make it back? Matthew has said if he has to stay in Spain with his mother-in -law for another 3 days he will swim home. This time 24 hours ago I was longing to be in Spain this time today relieved I’m not. A yes  shallow as ever. I do hope our pals get here though if they don’t  I will have about 2 ltires of chocolate mousse and an entire Scottish lamb (deceased) to eat.

Friday’s child is loving and giving (nothing away)

Airports still closed. The sky is blue and the peace and the tranquility whether perceived or real is good. Teenwolf is off back to school next week and this week has been doing some tennis training. He wakes at 11, has a monumental face stuffing breakfast, watches a bit of rugby on telly, gets showered- before he goes to train. I know I know I have stood at the

This actually does happen when teenagers wear Lynx.

bottom of the stairs and shouted ‘ a shower before are you off year head?’ Yeh Mum whatever is all he says as a waft of Lynx engulfs me and he flings his tennis racquet over his shoulder, bellows ‘seeya! Before loping off to play. There must be a girl involved. There must.

Saturday’s child works hard (at driving you to drink for a living.)

Family fall out. Tennis and two geezers is not a good combination. Dave thinks he is still 24 and can cut a dash on the court, meanwhile Louis at 15 reckons he can beat his father. The sad fact is they both try so hard to look as if they are not trying at all it is like a Brian Rix farce watching them play. Today it nearly came to blows as a tennis ball with the velocity of a bullet came fleeing over the net and practically embedded itself in teenwolf’s thigh. By the time they got back to the house there was silence and a lot of grave facial expressions. My natural reaction during these tense moment is to burst out laughing which worked in some ways as they both rounded on me, good thing is they’re talking again. Bad thing is they’re ignoring me. Still chorizo muffins in the oven should soothe the furrowed brow and bring them out for some peace talks.

Sunday

The child born on the Sabbath day -Is fair and wise and good and gay

Teenwolf was born on a Sunday but given his hormonals I don’t think I’ll impart that information to him just now he may just leave home. Waiting our friends arrival with bated breath…will keep you posted…..

Ash Wednesday/Thursday/Friday & Saturday.

Author: AlisonsDiary

Writer & broadcaster.