Just imagine the scene, a small East Lothian town, North Berwick on a sunny March day as the circus that is Uri Geller and his merry band of followers rolls into town.
You see, Uri bought The Lamb island a small outcrop of rock just off the coast a year ago as the lay lines and forces that be, decreed to him it was a very special place. As you can see from this bit of VT above he could have done a lot worse.
So laylines withstanding he used his visit as an opportunity to gather together some locals in the town to talk turkey – or whatever it is you call what he does. Once he had their attention, he sat them down and gave them all a radish seed, as you do.
How I wish I had been there. However, a first hand account tells me Uri then asked them to stare at the seed and watch as it started to grow. Well of course if you’re there with some warm cotton wool, a small spray gun and the patience of a saint it probably would start to grow eventually. But instantly? As the sceptical and believing around him collectively stared at their seeds the silence was broken when one no nonsense wifie piped up in her clear Scots accent.
‘So Uri, yer nae doin’ that spoony thing any mair then?’ ***
Temporarily distracted from his seed sprouting Uri waffled a moment looking a tad uncomfortable before changing the subject, saying farewell and heading for the boat that was to take him off to his island for the night.
When he arrived on it he expressed surprise it was made of rock. Bless him, what did he think it would be made of ? Cheese perhaps? The realisation that he had bought a bigs stone must have instantaneously put his theory that some ancient Goddess had buried her treasure there into the realms of fantasy as it did the reason he bought the place in the first place. Yup it was instantly clear you couldn’t bury a tube of smarties on the ground let alone the treasures of the ancient world.
But he’d come all that way, so he spent a night in a sleeping bag, in March, on an uninhabited rock in Scotland. Aye. I did that once for my Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award and vowed never to repeat the experience.
He has written about his experience on his website where he also posted some of the worst photos I have ever seen since I was hoodwinked into buying a Kodak Disc Camera (what you too?) in 1985. In the one above he is amazed at the piece of stuff on the rock (very geological I know) and asks his web readers to tell him what they think it looks like. I think it looks like the top of someones head but there you are I’m no expert.
I’m also no mind reader but I predict the laylines will call to him from a slightly warmer place next time.
*** Translation of Scots vernacular above.
‘Excuse me, Mr Geller Sir, would it be fair to assume at this juncture that you have desisted from the spoon bending phenomena for which you were once so famous before you started hanging around with Michael Jackson? Replacing it instead with the rather unusual horitcultural trick you are now bamboozling us with?’