Uri Geller buys a big rock near my Mum – cheek!

Just imagine the scene, a small East Lothian town, North Berwick on a sunny March day as the circus that is Uri Geller and his merry band of followers rolls into town.

You see, Uri bought  The Lamb island a small outcrop of rock just off the coast  a year ago as the lay lines and forces that be, decreed to him it was a very special place.  As you can see from this bit of VT above he could have done a lot worse.

What Uri talks - if you want to put it politely

So laylines withstanding he used his visit as an opportunity to gather together some  locals  in the town to talk turkey – or whatever it is you call what he does. Once he had their attention, he sat them  down and gave them all a radish seed, as you do.

Amazing! Radish! Wooooooh!

How I wish I had been there.  However, a first hand account tells me  Uri then asked them to stare at the seed and watch as it started to grow.  Well of course if you’re there with some warm cotton wool, a small spray gun and the patience of a saint it probably would start to grow eventually. But instantly? As the sceptical and believing around him collectively stared at their seeds  the silence was broken when one no nonsense wifie piped up in her clear Scots accent.

‘So Uri, yer nae doin’ that spoony thing any mair then?’ ***

This man was near my Mum's house. Not too happy about that.

Temporarily distracted from his seed sprouting Uri waffled a moment looking a tad uncomfortable before changing the subject, saying farewell and heading for the boat that was to take him off to his island for the night.

When he arrived on it  he expressed surprise it was made of rock. Bless him, what did he think it would be made of ? Cheese perhaps?  The realisation that he had bought a bigs stone must have instantaneously  put his theory that some ancient Goddess had buried her treasure there into the realms of fantasy as it did the reason he bought the place in the first place. Yup it was instantly clear you  couldn’t bury a tube of smarties on the ground let alone the treasures of the ancient world.

Photo from his website. Personally I think he should invest in a decent digital camera.

  But he’d come all that way, so  he spent a night in a sleeping bag, in March, on an uninhabited  rock in Scotland. Aye. I did that once for my Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award and vowed never to  repeat the experience.

He has written about his experience on his website  where he also posted some of the worst photos I have ever seen since I was hoodwinked into buying a Kodak Disc Camera (what you too?) in 1985. In the one above he is amazed at the piece of stuff on the rock (very geological I know) and asks his web readers to tell him what they think it looks like. I think it looks like the top of someones head but there you are I’m  no expert.

I’m also  no mind reader but I predict  the laylines will call to him from a slightly warmer place next time.

Local demonstrating his thoughts on Geller's treasure theory.

 Cuba anyone?

*** Translation of Scots vernacular above.

‘Excuse me, Mr Geller Sir, would it be fair to assume at this juncture that you have desisted from the spoon bending phenomena for which you were once so famous before you started hanging around with Michael Jackson? Replacing it instead with the rather unusual horitcultural trick you are now bamboozling us with?’