BBC Children In Need

  Monday

Just found out us jailbirds raised £71,000 in two hours for BBC’s Children In Need on November 20th. Locked in jail with (pictured left to right) John Quigley, Shaf Azul, Fiona Best, Janis Sue Smith, and Neil Butler. We bashed the phones like lunatics calling everyone we had ever met and even some we hadn’t. The lovely Shaf had a selection of billionaires on speed dial which helped. But every pound that was raised whether it was from John Quigleys Aunt, my sons pocket money of a fiver or Will Whitehorn from Virgin Galactic who donated £4k every penny went towards a brilliant cause! As we climbed onto the stage to announce our total to Nicky Campbell & Jackie Bird the morning cell mates were there looking very pleased, they had raised £31k which was great too just not as great as us!

 Tuesday

Tracys daughter Prue isn’t speaking to her. Apparently her Pudsey costume looked less like a bear with an eye patch and more like a squirrel with conjunctivitis. She soon cheered up when she heard our friend Gina’s daughter isn’t speaking to her either. Why? She had overdone the wine at a girls night, come home, felt awful and was on her knees in with her head in the pan when the seat came down and walloped her on the nozzle. I then roll up the leg of my jeans and show her my black and blue knee which I got falling off my 6” heels on Friday night – thankfully not on live telly but I would like to say thank you to the gent who hoisted me back up onto my 6 inchers and made sure I was steady again before letting me go. Even with no booze at all I fall about like Rab C. is it an age thing?

Wednesday

Radio Forth Awards. The ceremony is held to raise money for the Radio Forth charity, Cash for Kids. Live acts were amazing including Sugababes all new line-up of Heidi, Amelle and Jade. I presented the award for best performance to The Noisettes who illustrated why the won it with their brilliant set. Comedian Adam Hills and Dionne Bromfield, the 13 year old god daughter of Amy Winehouse performed too and Tollcross Fire Station picked up the Local Hero Award (in memory of their colleague Euan Williamson).

Contribution to Music Award went to Spandau Ballet. When they burst onto stage there was a near riot as everyone jumped to their feet. Spot the fan. Tony Hadley’s voice was fabulous though clearly he has as much luck with weight loss as I do. Martin Kemp looked a little afraid as the girls stared blatantly. Great do. Great day. Well done organised Richie Jeffrey – Harvey Goldsmith watch your back!

Thursday

BBC Radio doing a loose women format every morning this week. I joined in today testing out my new home studio which was a joy. Instead of sitting on the M8 for hours I shuffled upstairs to the sound proof cupboard -sorry studio – and broadcast live from there in my dressing gown for an hour and a half. Christopher Biggins was on talking about Rocky Horror Show but of course we got on to Jordan aka Katie Price aka The publicity seeking missile or should I say missiles. The consensus was her plan to ingratiate herself with the British public has gone sadly awry and she should have battened down the hatches and looked after her kids in the glare of all her negative publicity not flown to Oz, dropped her drawers and showed off her silicone enhancements whilst eating a selection of bugs. Colin and Justin to win – I think one of them will. They are a credit to us in there mediating, smiling and being very funny. Come on boys!

Friday

Meet pal John Hamilton, Age 80,just back from a few days break in a Amsterdam. He enjoys the occasional fag so got a packet and went off into a bar for drink where he was told it’s the same as here now no smoking. Meandering around he spotted a coffee shop full of people smoking spliffs and eating hash cake. In he went, ordered a coffee and lit up a fag. Within seconds the women behind the bar grabbed him, you can’t smoke that in here she squawked horrified. What ? He said pointing at the dozen or so stone heads all puffing away on their joints. “But they’re all smoking!’. Ah yes but you are not allowed to smoke tobacco she admonished it’s illegal He laughed thinking she was joking but realised she wasn’t as he was led out out onto the street , fag free and confused. Who’d have thunk it?

Saturday

Up at the crack to make coffees at the school rugby. To be honest it’s an excuse not to watch the match these days. The kids have suddenly grown into hairy men. One of the opposition at the age of 14/15 had a full beard! Really! When I clocked him I thought he was a parent. Unable to watch clash of The Titans I preferred to pour coffee, tea and eat biscuits. The second we get back afterwards Campbell and Dave head out for lunch. Remember Fiona’s coming round later I shout as the door closes behind them. Cut to 7pm David overly loud and pretending he hasn’t had a bevy at lunchtime is whizzing round the kitchen cooking. He makes a lovely meal but dirties every dish in the house during the process. We eat hot smoked salmon then double cream potato dauphinoise, venison, roasted parsnips, and a vat of ice cream. Either he should go out drinking at lunchtime more often or he should get back into the restaurant business.

Monday

Just found out us jailbirds raised £71,000 in two hours for BBC’s Children In Need on November 20th. Locked in jail with (pictured left to right) John Quigley, Shaf Azul, Fiona Best, Janis Sue Smith, and Neil Butler. We bashed the phones like lunatics calling everyone we had ever met and even some we hadn’t. The lovely Shaf had a selection of billionaires on speed dial which helped. But every pound that was raised whether it was from John Quigleys Aunt, my sons pocket money of a fiver or Will Whitehorn from Virgin Galactic who donated £4k every penny went towards a brilliant cause! As we climbed onto the stage to announce our total to Nicky Campbell & Jackie Bird the morning cell mates were there looking very pleased, they had raised £31k which was great too just not as great as us!

Tuesday

Tracys daughter Pru isn’t speaking to her. Apparently her Pudsey costume looked less like a bear with an eye patch and more like a squirrel with conjunctivitis. She soon cheered up when she heard our friend Gina’s daughter isn’t speaking to her either. Why? She had overdone the wine at a girls night, come home, felt awful and was on her knees in with her head in the pan when the seat came down and walloped her on the nozzle. I then roll up the leg of my jeans and show her my black and blue knee which I got falling off my 6” heels on Friday night – thankfully not on live telly but I would like to say thank you to the gent who hoisted me back up onto my 6 inchers and made sure I was steady again before letting me go. Even with no booze at all I fall about like Rab C. is it an age thing?

Wednesday

Radio Forth Awards. The ceremony is held to raise money for the Radio Forth charity, Cash for Kids. Live acts were amazing including Sugababes all new line-up of Heidi, Amelle and Jade. I presented the award for best performance to The Noisettes who illustrated why the won it with their brilliant set. Comedian Adam Hills and Dionne Bromfield, the 13 year old god daughter of Amy Winehouse performed too and Tollcross Fire Station picked up the Local Hero Award (in memory of their colleague Euan Williamson).

Contribution to Music Award went to Spandau Ballet. When they burst onto stage there was a near riot as everyone jumped to their feet. Spot the fan. Tony Hadley’s voice was fabulous though clearly he has as much luck with weight loss as I do. Martin Kemp looked a little afraid as the girls stared blatantly. Great do. Great day. Well done organised Richie Jeffrey – Harvey Goldsmith watch your back!

Thursday

BBC Radio doing a loose women format every morning this week. I joined in today testing out my new home studio which was a joy. Instead of sitting on the M8 for hours I shuffled upstairs to the sound proof cupboard -sorry studio – and broadcast live from there in my dressing gown for an hour and a half. Christopher Biggins was on talking about Rocky Horror Show but of course we got on to Jordan aka Katie Price aka The publicity seeking missile or should I say missiles. The consensus was her plan to ingratiate herself with the British public has gone sadly awry and she should have battened down the hatches and looked after her kids in the glare of all her negative publicity not flown to Oz, dropped her drawers and showed off her silicone enhancements whilst eating a selection of bugs. Colin and Justin to win – I think one of them will. They are a credit to us in there mediating, smiling and being very funny. Come on boys!

Friday

Meet pal John Hamilton, Age 80,just back from a few days break in a Amsterdam. He enjoys the occasional fag so got a packet and went off into a bar for drink where he was told it’s the same as here now no smoking. Meandering around he spotted a coffee shop full of people smoking spliffs and eating hash cake. In he went, ordered a coffee and lit up a fag. Within seconds the women behind the bar grabbed him, you can’t smoke that in here she squawked horrified. What ? He said pointing at the dozen or so stone heads all puffing away on their joints. “But they’re all smoking!’. Ah yes but you are not allowed to smoke tobacco she admonished it’s illegal He laughed thinking she was joking but realised she wasn’t as he was led out out onto the street , fag free and confused. Who’d have thunk it?

Saturday

Up at the crack to make coffees at the school rugby. To be honest it’s an excuse not to watch the match these days. The kids have suddenly grown into hairy men. One of the opposition at the age of 14/15 had a full beard! Really! When I clocked him I thought he was a parent. Unable to watch clash of The Titans I preferred to pour coffee, tea and eat biscuits. The second we get back afterwards Campbell and Dave head out for lunch. Remember Fiona’s coming round later I shout as the door closes behind them. Cut to 7pm David overly loud and pretending he hasn’t had a bevy at lunchtime is whizzing round the kitchen cooking. He makes a lovely meal but dirties every dish in the house during the process. We eat hot smoked salmon then double cream potato dauphinoise, venison, roasted parsnips, and a vat of ice cream. Either he should go out drinking at lunchtime more often or he should get back into the restaurant business.

Author: AlisonsDiary

Writer & broadcaster.